Divorce Happens: Survival Scenarios: “Help, My ex is threatening to move the kids out of state!”
Divorce Happens: Survival Scenarios is all about the real-life “oh no, now what?!” moments people face during divorce—like empty bank accounts, custody curveballs, or surprise legal papers—and pairing them with clear, compassionate guidance from trusted experts. Each post in the series offers support, strategies, and a reminder that you don’t have to face these challenges alone.
Divorce Happens: Survival Scenario –
Help! I don’t even know what to do right now. He just told me he’s going to take the kids and move them out of state. Can he even do that without my permission? I feel sick—what if I wake up one day and they’re just gone? Do I call my lawyer? The police? I’m terrified he’s serious and I’ll lose them.
Guidance from Jolee Vacchi, Family Law & Divorce Attorney, founder of Foundations Family Law & Mediation Center
What legal protections can stop relocation? A parent is not allowed to permanently move a child out of state without the consent of the other parent or a court order allowing the relocation. If your ex is threatening to move the kids out of state, tell him/her in writing that you object to the relocation and will take legal action if necessary to prevent a relocation or to have the children return to the state if he/she does move them. Follow this with contacting a licensed attorney in your area (if you don't already have one) to consider potentially filing an emergency motion in court. If your kids are physically with your ex, you could also try reaching out to your local police department for assistance, but their response varies widely and they may point you in the direction of your local family court. If the kids are physically with you, you may consider withholding them from spending parenting time with the other parent until the issue is resolved.
How do I file an emergency motion if needed? In most jurisdictions, you will need to file an emergency motion in-person at the family court. In the motion itself, you will be requesting that the court issue an order preventing your ex from relocating the children out of state or to return the children to your home state immediately if the move has already occurred. The motion is typically accompanied by an Affidavit which is your sworn testimony under the pains and penalties of perjury. In this document, you will include the details of what threats your ex has made and why this order is necessary. You will want to consult with a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction as divorce procedure varies from state to state.
How do I explain this situation to my kids calmly? This will depend on the age of your kids and how serious you believe your ex's threats to be. If the children are young and/or you think there is a low probability that your ex will actually move them, it may not be worth mentioning to your kids and potentially scaring them or stressing them out. If the children are older and/or you think that the threats are credible, you can talk to your kids about how you and the other parent are disagreeing over a few things right now and are having trouble communicating. Explain that you would like them to contact you if the other parent takes them on any kind of "trip" so that you know where they are.
*this is not legal information, please reach out to one of our trusted divorce lawyers for further assistance.
