5 Tips From a Divorce Professional with Lorraine Connell, Teen Confidence Coach Lorraine Connell
Back to Divorce Guide Magazine →
Divorce can feel overwhelming, but the right guidance can make all the difference. Lorraine Connell, a Teen Confidence Coach, is sharing five powerful ways to make the divorce journey a little more manageable—and a lot less stressful.
Lorraine Connell, can you introduce yourself—your name, title, and the work you do?
I’m Lorraine Connell, the founder of Peers Not Fears, where I work with youth and educators to redefine what leadership looks like. My background actually started in environmental science, but after more than 20 years teaching high school chemistry, I realized my real passion was helping students discover their own voices and confidence — not just their grades.
I was that “perfect student” who thought leadership meant having all the answers, and I watched so many young people hold themselves back for the same reason. What led me here was the realization that leadership isn’t about control or perfection — it’s about connection, empathy, and the courage to learn through mistakes. Now I help schools and organizations build programs that empower students to lead authentically and create communities where everyone feels seen and valued.
What drew you to this profession, and why do you specialize in divorce?Why are you passionate about helping people navigate divorce?*
What inspired me to work with people going through divorce or major life transitions is how often confidence — or the lack of it — shapes those experiences. During these moments, it’s easy to lose your sense of self and start letting others make decisions for you. I see confidence as a driving skill — the anchor that allows you to reclaim your voice, set boundaries, and move forward intentionally.
This is where I come in. My work helps people rebuild that confidence, reconnect with their strengths, and see that even in uncertainty, they still have the ability to lead themselves toward the life they want next.
What are your top five tips for someone going through divorce?
Tip 1: Involve your children in the conversation.
Don’t assume you’re protecting your children by keeping them out of discussions about the divorce or major changes. While they may not be able to make the decisions, inviting them into age-appropriate conversations helps them feel seen and considered. When kids feel shut out, they often fill in the blanks with their own fears or self-blame. Don't let them create the narrative on their own - it often becomes their fault, when they don't know any different. Being honest, gentle, and clear communicates that they matter and that their voice counts in the family’s transition.
Tip 2: Don’t hide the pain — guide them through it.
Many parents believe shielding children from sadness or conflict helps, but children sense more than we realize. Instead of pretending everything is fine, model healthy coping and communication. Let them see that it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or angry — and that those feelings can be managed with love, support, and honesty.
Shame is often the emotions we feel alone, when we can name and share the feelings it doesn't become a space of shame. If you are afraid to share the feelings with your children your shame may lead to their own shame.
Tip 3: Communicate with schools and caregivers.
Keep teachers, coaches, and counselors informed when family dynamics shift. It’s especially helpful for schools to know if your child is moving between two homes, so they can provide extra flexibility — like keeping duplicate materials or offering reminders. A little communication can prevent unnecessary stress or embarrassment for your child.
Tip 4: Avoid putting extra weight on the oldest child.
It’s easy to lean on your most mature child for emotional support or help managing siblings, but remember — they’re still a kid too. Encourage them to share their feelings, connect with peers, and just be a teenager. They need space to process the change, not the pressure to hold everyone together.
If this is something that you notice happening, naming it can be the pressure release your child needs, and build ways for them to find space for themselves, especially when the pressure is high!
Tip 5: Model what it looks like to start again.
Your Children are watching how you handle this transition. When you show that it’s possible to face hard things, make mistakes, and still move forward with compassion, they learn resilience. Your growth gives them permission to believe they’ll be okay too — that even in change, there’s strength, learning, and a fresh start ahead.
Hiding the challenge sends the message that they need to hide when things are hard. It is very important to admit when we you don't know the answer, this tells our children it is normal not to be all knowing. Something so simple can have the biggest impact!
Out of all your tips, which one feels the most important right now, and why?
Of all the tips, modeling what it looks like to start again one may be the most important. Our children learn more from what we do than what we say, and we don’t always know how our actions are being received by them. When we can be open and honest about what we’re feeling — the uncertainty, the sadness, even the hope — we show them that this is the real path through change.
We’re all going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. When we treat divorce as something terrible or shameful, we unintentionally send the message that we are broken. But when we frame it as a moment of learning, growth, and resilience, we show our children that mistakes don’t define us — how we move through them does. That’s the lesson that helps them carry confidence and compassion into every challenge they’ll face.
What does “fresh start” mean to you in the context of divorce?
To me, a “fresh start” isn’t just a clean slate or a new beginning in the traditional sense. So often we’re led to believe life moves neatly from point A to point B, but in reality — and in every conversation I’ve had with leaders — the growth happens in the rough patches. A fresh start is about what we learn in those difficult moments and how those lessons shape us on the other side. It’s about taking the challenges, the mistakes, and the setbacks, and using them to step forward with more clarity, confidence, and purpose than before.
Thank you Lorraine for sharing your wisdom and experience with the Fresh Starts community! You can learn more about their work by checking out Lorraine’s profile below!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.
