Divorce Happens: Survival Scenarios: “Help, I was just served with divorce papers and I have no idea what to do!”
Divorce Happens: Survival Scenarios is all about the real-life “oh no, now what?!” moments people face during divorce—like empty bank accounts, custody curveballs, or surprise legal papers—and pairing them with clear, compassionate guidance from trusted experts. Each post in the series offers support, strategies, and a reminder that you don’t have to face these challenges alone.
Divorce Happens: Survival Scenario –
Help, I was just served with divorce papers and I feel like the ground dropped out from under me. One minute I was unloading the groceries, and the next I was holding an envelope that completely changed my life. My hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, and I can’t stop thinking—what does this mean? Do I have to respond right away? Am I already in trouble? I’m scared and completely lost on where to even begin.
Guidance from Mardi Chadwick-Balcom, Divorce Mediator, Attorney & Coach
Q: What should I do in the first 24 hours after being served?
First, take a breath. Getting served divorce papers can feel overwhelming, but you do have time. Resist the urge to panic or start Googling — that often creates more upset than clarity. A better first step is to talk with someone you trust who understands the process, whether that’s a family law attorney, a mediator, or an agency that provides support. Taking time to pause and ground yourself allows you to respond with intention rather than react in fear. If you’re in the contemplation phase of divorce, it’s wise to prepare in advance by having a plan for what you’ll do if served — this preparation alone can ease some of the stress.
Q: What documents should I gather immediately?
Start with the basics: financial records (bank statements, tax returns, pay stubs, retirement account info, credit card statements), property records (mortgages, deeds, car titles), and any existing custody or support agreements. Organize these in a safe place. Having them ready not only gives you clarity, it empowers you to step forward with more control over the process.
Q: Do I need to respond right away, and how?
You don’t need to respond that same day. In most states, you typically have 20 days to file your response. The best move in the immediate moment is to understand what the papers mean and get clear on your options before taking action. Consulting an attorney or other qualified legal professional early on can help you make intentional decisions. The only thing not to do? Ignore the papers. Silence limits your options and creates more stress down the line.
Final Note
Being served papers doesn’t mean you’ve lost control. You still have choices about how you divorce — whether through litigation, mediation, or collaboration. Pausing, gathering support, and preparing your next steps calmly will set you on the path toward a smarter, more peaceful resolution.
*this is not legal information, please reach out to one of our trusted divorce lawyers for further assistance.
