5 Tips From a Divorce Professional with Laura Lorber, Mediator
Divorce can feel overwhelming, but the right guidance can make all the difference. Laura Lorber, a Mediator, is sharing five powerful ways to make the divorce journey a little more manageable—and a lot less stressful.
Laura, can you introduce yourself—your name, title, and the work you do?
Hello, my name is Laura Lorber. I am a mediator, co-parenting coach, and author of "Your Co-Parenting Plan Blueprint." Using my background in early childhood education and my J.D., I help parents create stable, detailed parenting plans. My mission is to provide you with the tools to keep your children at the heart, and out of the middle, of the divorce process.
What drew you to this profession, and why do you specialize in divorce? Why are you passionate about helping people navigate divorce?
My passion is helping parents move from friction to partnership. While I often mediate divorces, I am equally drawn to helping couples who simply need to clarify their roles and responsibilities to save their family dynamic. I saw too many parents in my teaching years getting stuck in 'all-or-nothing' roles that led to resentment. I use my background in child development and law to help parents stop gate-keeping and start strategizing. By focusing on temperament and clear communication, I help families restructure their relationships into something that actually works for everyone involved.
What are your top five tips for someone going through divorce?
Tip 1: Your Children Already Know
Many couples stay together "for the kids," but children are experts at sensing tension. Research shows that chronic conflict or the "coldness" of a fractured home is often more damaging to a child’s long-term development than the divorce process itself. Remember, 80% of divorces are resolved within three years; by choosing a path of peace now, you are protecting your children’s emotional environment. Your goal isn't just to separate, but to move them out of the "middle" and back to the heart of a stable family.
Tip 2: Divorce While You Can Still Stand Each Other
The smoothest, most affordable divorces happen when parents move forward before the relationship turns toxic. If you can still talk and think rationally, you retain control of the outcome. Even in the legal process, "filing together" removes the inherent nastiness of being served. Mediation is possible in high-conflict situations, but it is significantly faster and cheaper when there is still a baseline of trust and a shared desire to work together.
Tip 3: Create Your Post-Divorce Vision
To stay in control during the process, you need a "Victory Vision." Just like an elite athlete, visualize what success feels like for you and your children after the dust settles. You aren't just leaving a marriage; you are building a better future. Keep this vision physically in front of you—on your mirror or dashboard—to help you remain the rational, clear-eyed champion your children need when tough decisions arise.
Tip 4: Choose Your Own Adventure: The Wealth-Preservation Path
There isn't just one "right" way to divorce; there is only the path that fits your family's specific needs. Litigation is a vital tool, especially if you have highly complex assets, significant debt, or a situation where one party isn't being transparent. D.I.Y. can be a successful route for simple, no-asset cases where both parties are detail-oriented. The key is to remember that these aren't "all-or-nothing" choices. You can use mediation alongside an attorney to settle specific issues, or use it to finalize a D.I.Y. plan that needs a professional touch.
Regardless of the path you choose, keep your focus on wealth preservation. Every dollar spent on unnecessary legal battles is a dollar taken away from your children’s future—their college funds, their extracurriculars, and their stability. Mediation is an incredible tool for efficiency because it allows you to focus your resources on the issues that actually matter, like a co-parenting plan tailored to your children's developmental stages. By choosing a collaborative approach wherever possible, you stay in the driver’s seat and ensure that your family’s hard-earned assets go toward building your "fresh start" rather than funding a courtroom conflict.
Tip 5: Preparation, Preparation, Preparation: Work Smarter, Not Harder
I like to say that divorce is a team sport, but that doesn't mean you need a massive payroll. It means being strategic about who you spend your money on. To divorce as economically as possible, you want to avoid paying high hourly professional rates for tasks you can do yourself. My best advice for the "missing middle"—those who need a professional result on a modest budget—is to treat your preparation like a part-time job.
The more work you do "at the kitchen table" before you ever meet with a professional, the more money you keep in your pocket. This is exactly why I created "Your Co-Parenting Plan Blueprint." I wanted to give parents a self-guided way to do the deep introspection and logistical planning that usually eats up hours of expensive mediation or legal time. By using a workbook or a coach to get your "ducks in a row," you ensure that when you are on the clock with a mediator, you are there only to finalize decisions, not to start from scratch. Using the right tools for the right tasks—whether it's a therapist for emotional processing or a workbook for plan drafting—allows you to protect your children’s future without exhausting your bank account.
Out of all your tips, which one feels the most important right now, and why?
I spent the most time on tips 4 and 5 because they represent the nuance required in family law. There is no single 'right' way to divorce, and I never want to be dismissive of the different tools—like litigation or DIY—that might be the best fit for a specific family's needs. These two tips work in tandem: once you do the homework to understand your own landscape, you can proceed with a team that truly supports your vision. To me, the most important thing is that parents feel informed enough to choose a path that protects their children’s future and their own peace of mind.
What does “fresh start” mean to you in the context of divorce?
To me, a 'Fresh Start' isn’t just about the day the papers are signed; it’s the clarity that comes from looking honestly at what did and did not work for you and your children. It’s about finding a way to grow through the divorce process rather than just surviving it. When you take the time to heal and learn from the past, you ensure that you move forward with a plan that fits your new life. A true fresh start is the peace of mind that comes when you are no longer stuck in a long, damaging conflict, but are finally ready to lead your family into a healthy, stable future.
Thank you Laura for sharing your wisdom and experience with the Fresh Starts community! You can learn more about their work by checking out Laura’s profile below!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.
