Jenny Says So: The Divorce Announcement Dilemma
Dear Jenny,
I feel ridiculous even writing this, but I’m genuinely stuck. I know I should probably tell people about my divorce before they hear it somewhere else or start filling in the blanks, but the idea of making a “divorce announcement” makes my whole body cringe.
Part of me worries people will judge me. Part of me worries they’ll pity me. And part of me is scared I’ll say it “wrong” and turn it into a bigger thing than I want it to be. I don’t want a million follow-up questions. I don’t want to explain the whole story. I just want to share what’s true and move forward without feeling like I’m standing in the middle of a room asking everyone to look at me.
Is there a way to tell people that feels… normal? Private? Not like I’m writing a press release for my own heartbreak?
Love,
Embarrassed in East Hampton
Dear Embarrassed in East Hampton,
You don’t have to do the press release version. You really don’t. And you’re not “being weird” for cringing—this is one of those uniquely modern social dilemmas where your personal life becomes public information unless you shape the story first.
Here’s the permission slip: you don’t owe a public divorce announcement. You can share selectively, slowly, and in the format that feels safest—one-on-one texts, a small group message, an email to close family, or even “I’m telling you now because I care about you” voice notes. The goal isn’t to satisfy curiosity. The goal is to reduce the emotional labor of repeating yourself and to set a boundary around what happens next.
When you’re ready, use our VASE Method of Communication: Validate, Acknowledge, Support, Express. It’s clear, human, and it keeps you from over-explaining.
Validate: Name what’s happening.
Acknowledge: Set the tone you want.
Support: Mention the care you’ve received.
Express: Close with gratitude (and a soft boundary if needed).
Copy/paste script:
“Quick life update: [Name] and I have decided to end our marriage. We’re proud of the life we built and we’re focusing on moving forward in the healthiest way for us and our family. We’ve felt really held by the love and support around us, and we’re grateful. Thank you for being part of our lives as we transition.”
If you want a boundary line, add:
“I’m not ready to share details, but I appreciate your care.”
You’re not embarrassing. You’re just in a tender chapter. And you get to decide who gets the bookmark.
Here for you, always –
Jenny
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