Hey Olivia: Where Do I Even Begin the Divorce Process?

Back to Divorce Guide Magazine →

---

Hey Olivia,
I’ve gone years without even the bare minimum. He tells me daily he isn’t in love with me. I have a young son and daughter, and I’ve tried to stick it out because life is expensive. I really don’t want attorneys involved unless I have to. Where do I even begin?

First: I’m really glad you’re saying this out loud. You don’t need a “big enough” reason to stop living in daily rejection. Wanting peace is enough.

Here’s your beginner-friendly, clarity-first list—the stuff that actually helps:

1. Start with safety + steadiness
   Ask: Am I safe here emotionally and physically? Does he retaliate when I set boundaries? Does money get used as control? This determines your next steps.

2. Make a private “Divorce Folder” (quietly)
   Collect: tax returns, bank/credit statements, mortgage/lease, retirement accounts, insurance, pay stubs, monthly bills.

3. Track expenses for 7 days
   Not forever. Just one week. Real numbers = real power.

4. Create a “two-household reality check”
   Roughly estimate: housing, childcare, groceries, transportation, health costs. You’re not manifesting doom—you’re making a plan.

5. Learn the paths that aren’t courtroom warfare
   Mediation, uncontested divorce, collaborative divorce, or a lawyer consult for information only (not “going to war”).

6. Know when “no attorneys” stops being safe
   If money gets hidden, custody gets threatened, or he refuses to negotiate—protecting yourself isn’t aggressive. It’s responsible parenting.

7. Choose one tiny next move this week
   Pick one: start the folder, book a mediator consult, talk to a divorce coach, or build a support team.

If you’re thinking, “Okay… but what’s my first step?” — that’s exactly what we do at Fresh Starts Registry. We’ll help you map your next right move with vetted experts, planning support, and resources for the emotional + practical parts.

---