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A question we often hear is: “What can I do if my spouse is draining our accounts during divorce? The summons says they aren’t supposed to, but it keeps happening.”
If you’re a stay-at-home parent or financially dependent on your spouse, this situation can feel terrifying. Money isn’t just numbers—it’s stability, safety, and the foundation of your fresh start. Let’s walk through what this means and what you can do.
Dissipation of Assets Explained
When a divorce is filed, most courts issue what’s called an automatic temporary restraining order (ATRO) or similar rule. This order prevents either spouse from dissipating, hiding, or liquidating marital assets. In other words, neither of you is supposed to spend down accounts in ways that harm the other.
If your spouse is ignoring this and draining money, it may not always rise to the level of an emergency order—but it is still serious and something you can bring to the court’s attention.
Why This Matters
Draining accounts can directly impact custody, support, and property division later. Judges don’t look kindly on spouses who play financial games, and documented dissipation can influence the outcome of the case.
What You Can Do Now
Keep detailed records. Save statements, screenshots, and receipts that show when and how accounts are being drained.
Tell your attorney immediately. Even if it doesn’t meet the criteria for an emergency order, your lawyer can bring it up at the next hearing or file a motion later.
Ask about discovery. This legal process allows your attorney to formally request financial records, which can uncover hidden or misused funds.
Stay calm but firm. The temptation is to panic or retaliate, but documenting and addressing it through the court is the most effective path.
A Gentle Reminder
If you feel powerless right now, you’re not alone. Financial abuse and manipulation are unfortunately common in divorce, especially when one spouse has been the primary earner. Please remember: the court takes this seriously, even if it doesn’t feel immediate. You are not overreacting by raising these concerns—you are protecting your future.
At Fresh Starts, we have divorce attorneys and financial experts in our Expert Guide who can help you navigate situations like this, from reviewing bank records to creating a sustainable financial plan for your new chapter.
If you’re just beginning this journey, download our free ebook, What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce. It includes checklists, scripts, and compassionate advice to help you protect your stability from day one.
Your fresh start isn’t built on fear—it’s built on knowledge, support, and protecting what’s yours.
Olivia responds to a reader who’s been living with daily rejection for years—trying to stay for the kids and the cost of life, while hoping to avoid attorneys if possible. With warmth and clarity, Olivia offers a gentle, beginner-friendly roadmap: start with safety, quietly gather key documents, understand your real numbers, explore non-court options, and take one small next step (with Fresh Starts Registry there to help you map it all out).
You’re not obligated to make a public “divorce announcement” — you can share quietly, selectively, and in whatever format feels safest. Jenny offers a simple boundary-first approach that reduces emotional labor and keeps you from over-explaining. Using the VASE Method (Validate, Acknowledge, Support, Express), you can tell the truth with warmth, clarity, and a built-in “no details” line that protects your peace.
February has a reputation for being about love—roses, chocolates, grand gestures. But in the world of divorce, February often marks something quieter and far more practical: clarity. That’s why this month, in our Divorce 101 A to Z series, F is for Financial Disclosure.
February can feel like a month that’s constantly clearing its throat.
It’s short. It’s loud. It’s full of hearts and pink and messaging that assumes you have a “we” to celebrate. And if you’re in the middle of a divorce—or the tender, weird aftershocks of one—it can make you feel like you’re watching life through a window: everyone else paired up, everyone else certain, everyone else held.
Photo by Terrie Alfieri
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