Here’s How Working With a Mediator Can Help You with Laura Lorber, Mediator
If you’ve ever wondered what role a Mediator plays in the divorce process, you’re not alone. Today, Laura Lorber’s pulling back the curtain on how their expertise can support you every step of the way.
Can you introduce yourself—your name, title, and the work you do?
Hello, my name is Laura Lorber. I am a mediator, co-parenting coach, and author of "Your Co-Parenting Plan Blueprint." Using my background in early childhood education and my J.D., I help parents create stable, detailed parenting plans. My mission is to provide you with the tools to keep your children at the heart, and out of the middle, of the divorce process.
What drew you to this profession, and why do you specialize in divorce?
My passion is helping parents move from friction to partnership. While I often mediate divorces, I am equally drawn to helping couples who simply need to clarify their roles and responsibilities to save their family dynamic. I saw too many parents in my teaching years getting stuck in 'all-or-nothing' roles that led to resentment. I use my background in child development and law to help parents stop gate-keeping and start strategizing. By focusing on temperament and clear communication, I help families restructure their relationships into something that actually works for everyone involved.
What exactly does a Mediator do during the divorce process?
During the divorce process, a mediator serves as a bridge between your past and your new future. I help you communicate through the noise so you can reach an agreement that actually works for your daily life. We tackle the issues in manageable sessions—focusing on co-parenting, planning, and financials—so you can stay grounded and rational.
One of my favorite strategies is to 'reverse-engineer' the divorce: we start with your vision for your children and use that co-parenting plan to dictate how the financials should be structured. I see mediation as a team sport; I encourage my clients to meet with specialists—like CDFAs or realtors—between our meetings. This ensures that when you sit down at my table, you are fully informed. You’ll walk away with more than just a legal document; you’ll have a working partnership and the skills to navigate the years ahead.
What are the biggest misconceptions people have about your role?
Myth: Mediation is the 'easy' way out. Reality: It’s the 'efficient' way out. It moves on your timetable, not a judge's, but it still requires hard work and missed hours. However, by avoiding the months-long wait for a court date that might only result in another meeting, you are taking the shortest path to a fresh start.
Myth: We can’t mediate because we don't trust each other. Reality: You don't need total trust to mediate; you need a process that builds accountability. We can use separate confidential sessions and 'testing phases' in your agreement to ensure everyone follows through. Mediation is for anyone who wants to stay in the driver’s seat of their own life, regardless of how messy the past has been.
Myth: It’s just about the law. Reality: If divorce were just about the law, everyone would use a calculator. Divorce is about human needs and child development. My role is to help you write an agreement that is legally enforceable, but also humanly sustainable.
At what stage in divorce should someone consider working with a Mediator?
Ideally, you should start mediation the moment you begin contemplating a transition. You don’t have to be "ready for divorce" to start the conversation; a mediator can help you decide if divorce is the right path, how to separate households, and how to tell the children. Many professionals offer these as separate stages, allowing you to move at your own pace without committing to a full legal dissolution until you are ready.
Realistically, there is no "missed opportunity." Whether you are just starting or are already deep in the litigation process, you can pivot to mediation at any time. It is a powerful tool to pull specific, high-stakes issues—like your financials or your co-parenting plan—out of the courtroom and back into your own hands for a faster, more personal resolution.
The support doesn’t end when the papers are signed. Many co-parenting teams return for "maintenance mediation" as their children grow.
The Seasonal Check-in: Meeting every March to finalize summer camp plans ensures you don't miss registration deadlines or scholarship opportunities.
The Developmental Pivot: As kids move from preschoolers to teens, their needs change. Regular check-ins allow you to adapt your plan and close any "cracks" in communication before they can be exploited.
By engaging early and maintaining the relationship, you ensure your agreement remains a living document that actually works for your family’s real life.
What are the top ways you help clients during divorce?
The Mediator as a "Translator"
I help my clients by acting as a family translator. My training in early childhood education taught me that people process information in vastly different ways. As a teacher, you learn to present ideas through multiple lenses until you discover how your learners "learn." I apply that same philosophy to mediation. If you treat every parent the same, you eventually hit an impasse because you aren’t speaking their specific "language."
One case that illustrates this was "The Artist versus The Pragmatist." These co-parents agreed on their child’s needs but were stuck on the schedule. I realized they were simply processing data differently. To bridge the gap, I worked on a whiteboard with the "Artist" to map the visual daily flow. Meanwhile, I used AI to generate a three-month calendar for the "Pragmatist," who needed to see the long-term logic.
By presenting the same plan in two different "languages," the stalemate vanished. We weren't fighting over the schedule anymore; we were finally reading the same map. My goal is to ensure no family stays stuck simply because they haven't been given the right tools to understand the path forward.
How does working with you make the process less overwhelming or stressful?
Strategy & Empathy:
I act as both a strategist and a translator. I focus on what each person needs to feel safe enough to negotiate.
I recently mediated a "David vs. Goliath" civil rights case involving an individual and a large corporation. I realized the individual would feel overwhelmed and defensive facing a room of high-powered attorneys, so I facilitated "shuttle diplomacy" before we ever met in person. I worked behind the scenes to help the individual organize his story so the attorneys could truly hear it, while simultaneously helping the corporate team understand the personal risk he was taking by standing up to them.
Once the attorneys sat respectfully and listened to his story—and offered a genuine apology—the negotiations moved rapidly. We reached a settlement that provided a much higher return for the individual and, most importantly, secured a corporate commitment to change their future practices. By managing the power dynamic and ensuring the human story wasn't lost in legal jargon, I helped both sides avoid a public, expensive court battle. I bring this same level of strategic protection to families, ensuring that no one feels "outgunned" or unheard during their transition.
What outcomes do your clients usually experience after working with you?
Outcomes: A Divorce Centered on Children and Reality
My clients experience a process where everything is "reality-tested" before it’s finalized. Most practitioners handle financials first, but I flip that script. We start with the children. By defining what their future should look like first, we build the logical foundation for financial decisions. For example, understanding a child's need for private school or therapy dictates what must be secured in support negotiations. I find that many parents—especially women—find their strongest voice when advocating for their children, which then empowers them to advocate for their financial needs.
However, mediation isn't just a logic puzzle; it’s a deeply emotional journey. I don’t ask my clients to "ignore" their feelings. I’ll never forget a mother telling me, “I believe God put me in this Zoom room with you.” She said this because when things got overwhelming, I didn’t just send her away to cry; I sat with her. We processed the emotion together so she could return to the table calm and focused. The outcome isn't just a signed document; it’s the peace of mind that comes from being truly supported through the hardest parts of the transition.
What’s one example of how your work has made a big difference in someone’s divorce journey? (You can share generally, no personal details needed.)
The most challenging client isn't the combative one; it’s the one so exhausted they are willing to agree to anything just to be done. When a parent comes to me 'dull-eyed' and overwhelmed, I know my first job is to slow down and rebuild their agency. For over two years, I mediated for families who had lost custody and were navigating the aftermath of domestic violence, substance abuse, and poverty. These parents often sat through grueling eight-hour sessions to build a plan they could actually follow. In those high-stakes rooms, my work made the biggest difference by ensuring that 'agreement' didn't mean 'surrender.' I helped those parents find their voices again so they didn't just sign a paper, but actually co-created a safe, realistic path back to their children.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone thinking about hiring a Mediator?
Before you hire a mediator, ask yourself: 'What do I need to feel safe and rational during this transition?' My role is to help you answer that. We start by building a process that accounts for your specific history and needs. I design the structure, but you provide the honesty and the effort.
The more you engage with the preparation—using the right tools and professionals to find your footing—the more likely we are to reach a 'Fresh Start' that sticks. The data supports this: families are significantly more likely to follow a mediated plan than a judge’s order. When you invest in the mediation process, you aren't just getting a divorce; you are building a future that your family will actually respect and maintain.
How do you collaborate with other divorce professionals to support clients?
Mediation as a Team Sport: The Collaborative Hub
I believe mediation is a team sport, but you only call in the players you actually need. My goal is to ensure you have the right expertise—if and when necessary—so decisions are based on facts, not fear.
I act as a hub, connecting you to specialized support only when it serves your specific goals. I spend a significant amount of my time networking with other professionals to ensure that when I make a referral, I am sending you to someone who shares my mission of keeping children at the heart of the agreement.
Financial & Legal: If a complex asset or legal question arises, I may suggest a brief consult with a CDFA or attorney to ensure you are informed before you sign.
Child Development: We can pull in a therapist or education advocate if needed to bridge specific gaps in co-parenting perspectives.
Specialized Tasks: From realtors to coaches, we bring in outside experts only for the heavy lifting.
Thank you Laura for sharing your wisdom and experience with the Fresh Starts community! You can learn more about their work by checking out Laura’s profile below!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.
