What Happens If the Divorce Petitioner Misses the First Court Hearing?
A common question we hear in our community is: “What happens if the person who filed for divorce doesn’t even show up to the first hearing?”
This situation can feel shocking and destabilizing, especially if it’s tied to larger patterns—like a spouse leaving the country or walking away from family responsibilities. Here’s what you need to know if you find yourself in this position.
The Legal Side
When someone files for divorce, they are expected to appear in court as scheduled. If the petitioner (the one who filed) doesn’t show up:
The judge may reschedule the hearing to give them another chance.
In some cases, the judge may move forward without them, especially if the other spouse is present and ready.
If the absence looks like abandonment or bad faith, it can influence the judge’s view of credibility, reliability, and commitment to parenting responsibilities.
Every state handles this slightly differently, but the key is: courts don’t look kindly on people who file for divorce and then don’t participate in the process.
When Children Are Involved
If there are kids in the picture, a parent’s absence carries even more weight. Judges make custody and support decisions based on the “best interests of the child,” and a parent who skips out on hearings—or leaves the country—may be seen as less reliable in fulfilling parental duties.
What You Can Do Now
Show up. Your presence demonstrates stability and commitment.
Document the situation. Keep track of dates, travel plans, and missed responsibilities.
Lean on support. If abandonment is part of the story, both legal and emotional backup will matter.
Work with professionals. Having a family law attorney or mediator can help you understand your rights and how to raise these concerns in court.
A Gentle Reminder
If your spouse is absent—physically, emotionally, or both—it’s not a reflection of your worth or your children’s. It’s a reflection of their choices. And while it may feel overwhelming, remember that the legal system has ways of addressing absence, abandonment, and non-cooperation.
At Fresh Starts, we have family law and co-parenting experts who can help you navigate hearings, custody questions, and the difficult emotions that come with a spouse walking away. You don’t have to carry this alone.
If you’re preparing for divorce, download our free ebook, What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce. It includes checklists, scripts, and compassionate advice to help you feel steady in uncertain moments.
Your fresh start begins with showing up for yourself and your children—even when the other parent does not.