Dating After Divorce - Do the Don’ts
by Taylor Beck of Revive & Rise Coaching
There’s a lot of d’s in the title for a reason, because there’s a lot of d’s in the real world, too (dicks). Dating after divorce can seem overwhelming, daunting, and make you want to bury yourself in your bed at the thought of making small talk with someone who may or may not be a serial killer.
Just kidding. Kind of.
The truth is, dating, much like the rest of the life you’re rebuilding, is exactly what you make of it. When you surround yourself with people echoing the idea that dating sucks and there are no good people left to choose from, well.. That’s what you’re bound to get.
There is no one way or right way to date again when you’re putting yourself back out there, and that is the honest truth. The right way is whatever way works for you, and that’s going to look different for every person. Maybe you’re anti apps, determined to only meet someone IRL. Perhaps you believe you need to attend x amount of therapy sessions before you’ll even consider a first date again, hell, maybe even smiling at another person again. My advice is simply this: do the don’ts.
Don’t sleep with someone on the first date - says who?
Don’t make the first move or the one initiating the date invite - why?
Don’t date until you’ve fully healed yourself - news flash, healing is never ending (sorry, it’s true)
Don’t date the bad guy (or girl) - a date doesn’t have to mean forever
Don’t date until the divorce is finalized - everyone’s circumstances are different
Don’t do this, don’t do that, the list is truly never ending from passerbys that have quite possibly never been in your shoes and have no idea what you’re feeling or navigating.
When you’re back in the dating arena, there is so much value to be found. Maybe you’re on an endless string of “bad” dates - but isn’t that just market research? Please hear me when I say, mindset matters. Ending a marriage, whether by your choice or not, gives you the basic groundwork in understanding what it is you want or need from a future partner, if you want one at all. Do you need someone that opens car doors, pays for every date? How about someone that listens when you speak and cares about understanding the little things that bring you joy?
Dating truly can just be fun, experimental, it doesn’t have to be a future marriage hinging on every single swipe. Of course that isn’t to deter those who want to only date seriously, but putting pressure on it can quickly land you within another divorce if you’re not paying attention. If you’re so wrapped up in the concept of monogamy again, you’re more likely to miss red flags, fall for love bombing and not stay true to patterns you should be avoiding.
When you do the don’ts, and live on your terms, there is power in finding your person again. Power in deeply understanding your core needs and desires from another person, understanding when the first alert pings in your head that maybe something isn’t right, you’ll listen to it rather than make an excuse.
Divorce gives way to a beautiful thing - choosing yourself before another person, and then having everything you’re ultimately wanting. It starts with throwing out false or outdated guidelines and creating your own. You’ve got this - now do the damn thing.
Learn more about and how to work with Taylor Beck here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.