I’m Unmarried, Not Divorced (But Also Divorced)
As a child growing up in the 90s, my experiences were drastically different than what my children are currently navigating. Some things they will never understand include using the Dewey decimal system to find a book at the library or the importance of an encyclopedia when they have access to Wikipedia. They have no concept of life without cell phones or streaming services. And with the world of delivery at their fingertips, they will never appreciate the race in having a pizza delivered at the 61-minute mark, so it can be free of charge.
Despite these differences, what I find most challenging as a parent is navigating the athletic/competitive space of today’s youth.
I remember when I first heard the term athletic supporter instead of a cheerleader, and it was at that point when I knew our society was heading in an interesting direction. No matter how you slice it or dice it, a cheerleader, is a cheerleader, is a cheerleader. This is often how I feel the world sees or even more so how I often see the word DIVORCE. It feels negative, shameful, guilt written and like a stain that remains on your heart and covers your arm sleeve forever. It’s a word I want to run from so badly that I too have become part of this new generation in saying, I’m unmarried, I’m not divorced. Nonetheless, no matter how you slice it or dice it, divorce, is divorce, is divorce.
Many of us celebrate divorce as a badge of honor. However, what often goes unnoticed is the contingent of us, who did not want this, did not ask for this, and are struggling to find our way forward. It may have been a release from an abusive relationship or one day waking up unrecognizable in a marriage that no longer represented your vows. No matter the reason for the divorce, it carries a weight of despair that often taxes the body and overwhelms the spirit. Even typing the word divorce, it feels like I have done something wrong or somehow the depth and anguish of it solely falls in my lap. And all of this is underscored with one guarantee that will visit everyone at some point during this journey. Grief.
Grief will continue to be a nagging thorn that lingers on some days and utterly surprises you on others. It can send you down pathways filled of wonder and with questions such as Why? How? Who? When? Nevertheless, it’s the common passage that we all must walk through, filled with many unknowns, and yet the only option to reach the other side.
Ultimately, we must remember, I must to remember that in order to move forward, I have to move through. And in order to move through, I have to stand steadfast in my truth. And the fact of the matter is, that truth states…I am unmarried and I’m also divorced.
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Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.