Should You File for Divorce First or Sell Your House First? A Step-by-Step Guide
A reader recently asked us:
“My spouse and I are getting divorced, but we still live together. Should we file for an uncontested divorce first, or sell our house first and then file?”
This is one of the most common questions people face when beginning the divorce process. The decision of whether to file for divorce first or sell your home first can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions are high and finances are intertwined.
Your home often represents years of memories, milestones, and emotional investment. Deciding what to do with it while also preparing for divorce is not just a financial decision — it’s an emotional and logistical one. The good news is that you can move forward with clarity and confidence when you understand your options.
In this article, we’ll break down the pros and cons of each approach, share key steps to take before making a decision, and guide you toward choosing the path that’s right for your situation.
Understanding Your Options
Before making any major decisions, it helps to understand what each path involves. In most cases, couples facing divorce have two main options:
Option 1: File for Divorce First (Uncontested Divorce)
An uncontested divorce means that both spouses agree on all major terms—including property division, child custody, and support. Filing first can sometimes make things smoother by setting legal boundaries and protecting both parties as you move through the process.
Benefits of Filing for Divorce First:
Establishes clear legal protection and financial boundaries early.
Helps outline who pays what expenses while you are still living together.
Prevents one spouse from selling or refinancing the home without consent.
Allows you to define terms around property division, including the home, before emotions or market pressures escalate.
Drawbacks of Filing for Divorce First:
The home sale process may slow down due to legal procedures or court timelines.
Negotiations can become more emotionally charged once lawyers are involved.
You will still need to decide how to handle mortgage payments, taxes, and maintenance during the proceedings.
When Filing First Makes Sense:
If communication is strained, or if you need legal protection for financial or safety reasons, filing for divorce before selling the home is often the most secure choice.
Option 2: Sell the House First
For some couples, selling the home first feels like a cleaner and more practical step. It allows both parties to gain financial clarity before entering the legal process and can make the division of property more straightforward later.
Benefits of Selling First:
Simplifies property division once the home is sold.
Provides clarity about the financial picture before legal proceedings.
Allows both spouses to begin their next chapters more smoothly.
Drawbacks of Selling First:
Without a legal agreement, there may be disagreements about how proceeds are divided.
Requires strong mutual trust and open communication throughout the selling process.
Preparing and selling a shared home while still living together can be emotionally draining.
When Selling First Makes Sense:
If you and your spouse are communicating well, can trust each other to follow through, and can agree in writing (ideally with a lawyer’s or mediator’s help) on how proceeds will be handled, selling the house first can make the legal process easier and faster later.
How to Decide: A Step-by-Step Guide
Making this decision requires balancing emotional, financial, and logistical factors. Here’s how to move forward step by step.
Step 1: Assess Communication and Trust
Ask yourself honestly: Can we have calm, open conversations about money, logistics, and shared responsibilities? If the answer is yes, selling first might work. If not, filing first will give you more structure and legal protection.
Step 2: Get Legal Advice Early
Even if things are amicable, it’s essential to understand your rights. Schedule a consultation with a family lawyer or divorce mediator to discuss:
What happens if we file before selling?
What are the risks of selling first without a court order?
Can we file for an uncontested divorce and include the house sale in our agreement?
You don’t need to hire a lawyer for a full retainer to get answers. Many professionals offer one-time consultations to help you plan your next steps with confidence.
Step 3: Review Your Finances
Gather all relevant financial information:
Current mortgage balance
Home value estimate (get a realtor or appraisal)
Equity and shared debts
Monthly costs associated with the property
Having a clear picture helps your lawyer or mediator give accurate guidance and prevents future disputes.
Step 4: Plan for Living Arrangements
If you are still under one roof, outline who is responsible for which expenses (mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc.). Document this agreement to prevent confusion or conflict later. You may also want to establish separate bedrooms or quiet spaces for emotional and physical boundaries.
Step 5: Protect Home Sale Proceeds
If you decide to sell before filing, make sure the terms are documented in writing. You can agree to hold proceeds in escrow until the divorce is finalized, or divide them according to an interim agreement reviewed by a professional.
Step 6: Prioritize Emotional Safety
Living together through a separation can be one of the hardest transitions. Protect your mental health by:
Spending time apart when possible
Limiting emotionally charged conversations
Seeking support from friends, therapists, or support groups
Emotional safety is just as important as financial and legal safety during this time.
There is no “right” order that works for everyone. The best path is the one that provides you with clarity, protection, and stability.
For some, filing first offers structure and peace of mind. For others, selling first allows for a clean financial break and emotional closure. Both choices are valid — what matters most is that you make the decision with informed guidance and support.
You are allowed to take this one step at a time. Your fresh start begins with clarity.