Divorce Mediation: How to Prepare Your Non-Negotiables (Especially as a Stay-at-Home Parent)
A question we hear often is: “I’m heading into mediation and need to give my attorney my non-negotiables. We have kids, a home, and retirement accounts. I’ve been a stay-at-home parent and primary caretaker while my spouse has been the breadwinner. What should I think about as I prepare?”
First of all—if you’re in this stage, you’re already doing something powerful: getting clear on your values and your boundaries before stepping into mediation. That clarity will protect you and help guide the process.
What Are Non-Negotiables in Divorce Mediation?
Non-negotiables are the core issues you are not willing to compromise on during mediation. These are the priorities that directly affect your children’s wellbeing, your financial stability, and your long-term security.
For some people, non-negotiables may include:
Maintaining a consistent custody schedule for the children
Staying in the marital home or ensuring housing stability
Protecting retirement savings
Securing adequate child support or spousal support
Knowing these essentials before mediation allows you to walk in with focus and confidence.
Why Clarity Matters Before Mediation
Divorce mediation can feel overwhelming and emotional. When you’ve already identified your non-negotiables, you reduce the risk of making reactive decisions in the moment. Clear priorities help your attorney advocate strongly for you and prevent you from giving up something essential just to “keep the peace.”
Clarity is also empowering—it reminds you that you do have control over the process, even in a season of uncertainty.
Key Areas to Consider as a Stay-at-Home Parent
If you’ve been the primary caretaker while your spouse has been the breadwinner, mediation may bring unique concerns. Some of the most important areas to consider include:
Custody and Parenting Time: Ensure that the custody schedule reflects your role as the primary caretaker and prioritizes your children’s stability.
Housing Stability: Consider whether keeping the marital home or securing a safe new home is a non-negotiable for you and your children.
Retirement Accounts: Even if you didn’t directly contribute financially, you’re entitled to a fair share of marital assets, including retirement funds.
Financial Support: Both child support and spousal support may be critical in helping you transition into financial independence.
How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Not sure where to start? Try these steps:
Reflect on your values: Ask yourself, “What matters most for me and my children in the next 5 years?”
Make a list: Write down everything that feels important. Then highlight the issues you’re not willing to compromise on.
Rank your priorities: Not all items will carry equal weight—decide which truly qualify as non-negotiables.
Talk with your attorney: Share your list before mediation so your lawyer can prepare strategy and supporting documents.
Practical Tips for Mediation Prep
Walking into mediation with a plan can ease anxiety. Consider these tips:
Bring Documentation: Financial records, budgets, and proof of caregiving can strengthen your position.
Use Scripts: Practice simple statements like, “For my children’s stability, housing is non-negotiable.”
Stay Grounded: Write your non-negotiables on a notecard to keep you focused when emotions run high.
Prepare for Flexibility: Remember, non-negotiables are anchors—not everything needs to be rigid.
FAQ: Preparing for Divorce Mediation
Q: What should I bring to divorce mediation?
Bring your list of non-negotiables, financial records, proposed parenting schedules, and any supporting documentation.
Q: How do I set non-negotiables without being inflexible?
Focus on what’s essential for your children’s wellbeing and your financial stability, while staying open to compromise on smaller issues.
Q: Is it different if I was a stay-at-home parent?
Yes. Stay-at-home parents often need to emphasize custody, housing, and financial support as non-negotiables, since they may not have immediate income.
A Gentle Reminder
Preparing your non-negotiables before mediation isn’t about being stubborn—it’s about being clear on what you need to protect your family and your future. This is a step toward reclaiming stability and security in the next chapter of your life.
At Fresh Starts, our Expert Guide includes attorneys, mediators, and divorce coaches who can help you prepare with confidence. And if you’re just starting out, download our free ebook: What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce—filled with scripts, checklists, and compassionate guidance.