Shifting Perspectives: Why Are We So Afraid of Divorce?
Sometimes the hardest part of divorce isn’t only ending the marriage. It’s realizing how many beliefs you’ve inherited about what ending a marriage is supposed to say about you. Marriage is often presented as the goal. Divorce becomes the thing nobody wants to become. Being single is treated like an unfortunate waiting room before the next relationship begins. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Tamar Queen Barbash, breakup and divorce coach and founder of New Beginnings Breakup and Divorce Coaching, for a conversation about the cultural stories surrounding marriage, divorce, relationships, and starting over—and how changing those stories can change the way we experience our own lives.
Tamar works with people navigating breakups and divorce, helping them examine not only what happened in their relationships but also the societal expectations shaping how they judge themselves afterward. She explains that divorce and unhappy marriages can feel profoundly isolating because people often assume everyone else is doing relationships better than they are. Social media can intensify that loneliness by replacing real community with carefully curated versions of other people's marriages and lives. Tamar created her Shifting Perspectives podcast series to push back against those assumptions by bringing honest conversations about marriage, divorce, singleness, the divorce process, and even infidelity into the open. When people hear experiences that resemble their own, shame can begin to loosen its grip.
The conversation ultimately asks listeners to consider a powerful question: What would you choose if you stopped making decisions based on what marriage, divorce, or being single is supposed to look like? Tamar discusses how fear of becoming “a divorced person” can keep someone in a relationship, how fear of being alone can make people stay when they no longer want to, and why being single does not have to mean being lonely. Divorce recovery, she argues, can involve shifting the perspective from failure to choice—from being trapped by a decision you made years ago to recognizing that you are allowed to make a different decision now. For anyone questioning a marriage, navigating divorce, rebuilding after divorce, or learning how to be alone without feeling isolated, this episode offers validation, community, and permission to imagine another way forward.
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