What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce: Understanding Spousal Support and Alimony: What You Need to Know Before Divorce
Spousal support. Alimony. Maintenance. Whatever you call it, it’s often one of the most misunderstood—and emotionally charged—parts of the divorce process. Whether you think you might receive support or be required to pay it, understanding how it works is crucial to protecting your financial stability and emotional well-being.
Spousal support isn’t guaranteed, and the rules vary from state to state. But by understanding the core principles, what courts consider, and how to prepare for outcomes, you can make informed, empowered decisions. Below, we’ll walk through each major consideration, why it matters, who can help, and a clear action step to take today.
1. Know the Purpose of Spousal Support
Why this matters:
Alimony exists to help one spouse maintain financial stability after divorce—particularly if they’ve been financially dependent or gave up career opportunities to support the household or raise children.
It’s not about punishment. It’s about economic fairness.
Who can help:
A family law attorney can explain how alimony is handled in your state and whether you might qualify to receive or pay it.
Action step:
Write out your financial contributions to the marriage—both monetary (income, savings) and non-monetary (childcare, homemaking, career sacrifices). This creates a clear picture of your role and needs.
2. Understand the Types of Spousal Support
Why this matters:
There’s no one-size-fits-all. Different types of support come with different expectations, durations, and goals.
Types may include:
Temporary: Paid during the divorce process
Rehabilitative: Helps the recipient become self-sufficient (e.g. time to get training or a job)
Permanent: Rare; usually for long-term marriages where one spouse cannot support themselves
Lump-sum: A one-time payment in lieu of ongoing support
Who can help:
A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can help project different scenarios and outcomes based on your case.
Action step:
Research your state’s spousal support options online or ask your attorney which forms are most common in your county.
3. Know What Factors Courts Consider
Why this matters:
Eligibility and amount depend on a variety of factors, including income, length of marriage, standard of living, age, and earning potential. Understanding what matters to the court can guide your preparation.
Common considerations include:
Length of the marriage
Disparity in incomes
Health and age of each spouse
Contributions to the marriage (raising kids, supporting education, etc.)
Whether one spouse sacrificed career opportunities
Who can help:
A divorce attorney will help assess your specific situation and how those factors apply.
Action step:
Make a list of all relevant lifestyle and financial data: length of marriage, incomes, job history, health conditions, and major sacrifices made for the marriage.
4. Prepare Financially for Either Outcome
Why this matters:
Whether you receive or pay alimony, it can significantly impact your monthly cash flow. Planning ahead helps you avoid financial strain or surprises.
Who can help:
A financial planner or CDFA can help build post-divorce budgets based on different support outcomes.
Action step:
Draft two versions of your post-divorce budget:
If you receive support
If you pay support
Adjust for housing, childcare, healthcare, and basic living expenses.
5. Understand the Emotional Impact
Why this matters:
Spousal support is more than money—it can trigger shame, guilt, resentment, or grief. It’s often tied to power dynamics and identity. Emotional preparation is just as important as financial prep.
Who can help:
A therapist or divorce coach can help you process the emotional weight of financial dependency or responsibility.
Action step:
Journal your feelings about money and support. Do you feel guilty about asking for help? Ashamed about needing it? Angry about paying it? Bringing awareness to those emotions helps you prepare to advocate for yourself.
6. Plan for Support Modifications or End Dates
Why this matters:
Support may not be forever. Some agreements have built-in review dates or end automatically when circumstances change (like remarriage or job changes). Know what flexibility is built into your agreement.
Who can help:
A family law attorney can draft or review your agreement to ensure it includes clear terms around modifications or termination.
Action step:
Ask your attorney or mediator:
What triggers modification?
Can it be revisited later?
What if I lose my job or remarry?
7. Be Honest About Needs and Goals During Negotiations
Why this matters:
Negotiating alimony can feel adversarial, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re honest about your needs—and clear about your goals—it’s more likely you’ll reach a fair, lasting agreement.
Who can help:
A mediator or collaborative divorce attorney can help keep conversations goal-focused and respectful.
Action step:
Write down your actual monthly needs, not just what you think you “should” need. Include things like mental health care, childcare, continuing education, or job training.
Bonus Resource: Get the Questions You Need to Ask
Not sure how to even begin talking to an attorney about spousal support? Our FREE e-book, Your Divorce Support Team, includes 250+ questions to ask attorneys, financial experts, and other professionals—so you can build a team that understands your unique needs.
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Spousal support isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a tool to ensure you have the resources you need to move forward. Whether you’re requesting support or may be paying it, understanding how it works gives you the power to prepare and protect your future.
And remember: at Fresh Starts Registry, we don’t just help you survive the divorce process—we help you rebuild, supported by a team that sees and honors your whole self.