Hey Olivia:I'm Watching Myself Sink Into Debt in Real Time
Hey Olivia, I'm terrified and I don't know who else to ask. I earn good money — I've always been financially responsible — but my ex is taking everything through the courts and he's already told me that's his plan. He comes from family wealth so none of this will hurt him the way it's hurting me. I've gone from feeling financially secure to watching myself sink into serious debt in real time. Are there things people do to prepare that nobody talks about? I feel like I should be doing something but I'm so overwhelmed I can't think straight.
First: what you're feeling is a completely rational response to a genuinely destabilizing situation. Financial fear in a high-conflict divorce isn't anxiety being overdramatic. It's your nervous system correctly registering a real threat. And the fact that you're asking how do I prepare? instead of going numb? That instinct is one of your most important assets right now.
When one party has family wealth and the other doesn't, it creates a real power imbalance in litigation. He can afford to drag this out. That's a documented tactic — financial abuse through the legal system. This isn't happening because you did something wrong. You're in an uneven fight, and the goal is to protect what you can.
Practical preparation is real, and there's no shame in it. Buy ahead for the kids gradually — next-size clothing, school supplies, seasonal basics. Think of it as building a buffer. Use your FSA if you have one. Stock a basic medicine cabinet.
Protect your financial information now. Pull your credit report. Screenshot statements for every account. Save records somewhere he cannot access. If joint accounts are being depleted, ask your attorney about a status quo order — you have a right to protect marital assets.
If you don't have a personal account in your name only, open one today. This isn't hiding money. It's establishing your own financial identity. And consider a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) — they understand the long-term math of settlements in ways attorneys sometimes don't.
You earn good money. That income, that capability, that credit history — it's yours. The goal isn't to come out where you were. The goal is to come out standing.
One thing. Just one. Start there.
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