Hey Olivia: A Coworker Just Told Me She's Getting Divorced. What Do I Say?
"I just got an email from an acquaintance I work with and she told me that she's in the divorce process. I don't know her very well, but I want to respond with compassion. What are a few ways I can respond to this email?"
First: it's really kind that you're even thinking about this.
When someone shares that they're divorcing — especially at work, especially to someone they don't know well — they're usually doing something quietly brave. They're scared of being judged, pitied, or treated differently. The fact that your instinct is to respond with care rather than awkward silence says something good about you.
Here's the thing: your reply doesn't need to be long or perfect. It just needs to do three things — acknowledge what she shared, validate that it's a big deal, and offer some form of support without prying or offering advice she didn't ask for. That's it. A warm, sincere two-sentence email is still meaningful.
Before you write anything, ask yourself: how close are we, realistically, and how much can I genuinely offer? Your response can be compassionate without overpromising. Meet her where you actually are.
If you want to keep it simple: "Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. I'm so sorry you're going through such a big transition. I'm thinking of you and sending you a lot of care as you navigate everything."
If you want to offer something more specific: "Thank you for sharing this with me. Divorce is such a huge life change, and I'm really sorry you're in the middle of it. If it would feel helpful to have a friendly ear at work or someone to grab coffee with sometime, I'm here for you. No pressure at all — just know you're not alone in this."
If you want to acknowledge the work dimension: "I'm sorry you're dealing with so much behind the scenes while also juggling work. Please know I'll be thinking of you and rooting for you — and I'm happy to offer extra grace around timelines or communication where I can."
If you've been through divorce yourself: "I went through a divorce myself, and I remember how overwhelming it was. If you ever want a judgment-free person to compare notes with or ask questions, I'm here. And if not, that's okay too — I'm sending you so much support either way."
A few things to gently avoid in whatever you write: don't ask for details, don't offer advice they didn't ask for, and steer clear of phrases like "at least..." or "everything happens for a reason." Even when they come from a good place, they can land hard.
When someone tells you they're divorcing, they're handing you something tender. You don't have to fix it. You don't have to say the perfect thing. A simple, sincere "I'm so glad you told me. I'm thinking of you and I'm on your side" goes a very, very long way.
You clearly already have the most important thing: the intention to show up. Trust that.
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