Divorce Survival Scenario: What to Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Talking to a Divorce Lawyer
Divorce Happens: Survival Scenarios is all about the real-life “oh no, now what?!” moments people face during divorce—like empty bank accounts, custody curveballs, or surprise legal papers—and pairing them with clear, compassionate guidance from trusted experts. Each post in the series offers support, strategies, and a reminder that you don’t have to face these challenges alone.
Survival Scenario:
Help! I just overheard my spouse on the phone with a divorce lawyer. My heart dropped—I don’t even know what to do or say. Do I confront them? Call my own lawyer? Pretend I didn’t hear it? I feel blindsided and terrified this is the beginning of the end.
Guidance from Tamar Barbash, Accredited Breakup and Divorce Coach
What’s the First Step I Should Take If I Suspect They’re Preparing for Divorce?
The first step in almost every scenario is the same: take a beat. You never want to react too quickly, or let your emotions navigate your next move. So pause. Take a breath. This is a good time to get in touch with what you want. This scenario often leads down a path where you begin thinking about things entirely in terms of what your partner wants, or what you think they may want. It’s a good time to get clarity around what you want, so that you can better decide what your next steps should be.
How Can I Gather Information Without Escalating Conflict?
One important thing to think about that doesn’t involve conflict is: what is a realistic budget that I could live on? Make a list of the expenses you are aware of and think about what you’d need in order to afford to live your life. Make note of any information that you don’t have access to that impacts this information.
What Professionals Should I Consult Proactively?
Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to immediately find an attorney. The most useful call you can make is to a divorce coach who can help you consider your options and strategize a plan, including what other professionals – legal, financial etc – might be useful.
There are many ways to get divorced, several of which do not involve court. A divorce coach can help you identify exactly what your needs are, get clarity around how you want your divorce to look, and help you determine the steps to take the make it happen.
Most importantly: just because your spouse may be the one who initiates the process, that doesn’t mean that you have to cede control to them. You can and should be an active participant in how your own divorce process goes and the best way to do that is to have a coach who can support you through it.
Key Takeaway: You Don’t Have to Give Up Control
Overhearing your spouse talk to a divorce lawyer can feel devastating, but it doesn’t mean you’re powerless. By pausing, clarifying what you want, gathering financial details, and connecting with the right professionals, you can take back agency in the process.
This is not legal information. Please reach out to one of our trusted divorce lawyers for further assistance.
