From Overlooked to Empowered: How Being a Student Shaped My Journey as a Teacher and Coach
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
As a student, I was the one who always did the right thing. I got good grades, worked hard for them, and followed the rules. But despite my effort, I always feltā¦ average. I wasnāt the best at sports, my SAT scores were fine but not impressive, and while I played volleyball, I was far from a standout. I thought that if I worked hard and did what I was supposed to, Iād get noticed. But I didnāt, and the truth is, I felt overlooked.
Now, as an educator, I know that being overlooked wasnāt intentional. My teachers and coaches werenāt singling me out to ignoreāthey simply didnāt see the quiet potential in me, just like so many students in schools today. But that feeling of invisibility stayed with me for a long time, and itās something I carried with me as a teacher. Itās why I made a point to notice all of my students, especially the ones who remind me of myself: the quiet ones, the ones who do everything right but may not stand out. To those students, I often say, āI see you as a leader. You should try this.ā Because I know what itās like to wish someone had seen that in me sooner.
The Pain of Being an Overlooked Student: Cut from the Team
One moment that really stands out from my high school experience was getting cut from the softball team during my freshman year. Iāll admit, I wasnāt very good. But the reality of trying out for sports is if you donāt make the cut, thereās no other team for you to join. Youāre just out. I ended up becoming the team manager so I could still be around my friends, but it stung. When youāre a teenager, belonging is everything. The social hierarchy is clear, and being cut from a team can feel like a huge blow to your confidence, especially when youāre already struggling to find your place.
That experience stayed with me, and it shaped the way I coached when I became a varsity volleyball coach years later. I hated cutting students from the team, and it was a struggle every season. I only had 12 uniforms, and while I didnāt often have many students trying out, there were always one or two who didnāt make the team. As a coach, you might think, āI kept almost everyone,ā but for the one student who didnāt make it, itās devastating.
My Struggles as a Coach: Balancing Competition and Confidence
Coaching brought back many of my own high school memories. I remembered the pressure I felt every time I was subbed into a volleyball game. If I missed my serve, I might not get subbed in again. And in volleyball, where youāre subbed into specific positions, it meant I had to get that serve right every single time. The pressure was intense, and it often got the best of me.
As a coach, I didnāt want to put that kind of pressure on my players. But at the same time, I had players who were driven to win, and we were a team that struggled to be competitive. I often felt like I was failing as a coach because we werenāt winning games. I remember feeling torn between pushing the team harder and creating an environment where the pressure didnāt crush their confidence. I realized that sometimes, itās not just about winning. Itās about building the kind of resilience and confidence that can last a lifetime.
The Lessons I Learned About Leadership
Reflecting on those experiences, both as a student and a coach, has shaped how I view leadership and how I approach my students. High school sports are a strange place to teach life skills, and in many ways, we donāt explicitly teach them. But we should. We need to find a balance between fostering a competitive spirit and helping students grow as people, not just athletes.
For me, being a leader isnāt about being the loudest or most visible person in the room. Itās about finding your voice, no matter how quiet it might be. Itās about recognizing that leadership is not tied to titles or wins, but to the ability to support and uplift others. I now realize that just because I didnāt stand out as a student doesnāt mean I wasnāt a leader. And as a teacher, I want to make sure that every student, even the quiet ones, knows they have the potential to lead.
Thatās why I now tell my studentsāespecially the ones like meā"I see you as a leader. I want you to try this." Because the truth is, leadership is not about being perfect. Itās about being seen, being heard, and knowing that your perspective is valuable, even if you donāt always realize it.
This blogpost was originally posted here!
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Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original authorās perspective.