Facing My Fear as a Teacher: The Power of Letting Go of Control
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
As a teacher, one of the hardest challenges I faced was giving autonomy to my students. I struggled with letting go of control in the classroom. I believed that if I wasnāt steering every moment, I couldnāt predict what would happen. That fear manifested in so many ways: it stopped me from giving students opportunities to step into leadership, from trying new things, or from showing me their unique perspectives. In the end, it wasnāt just my students who were missing outāI was too.
The Turning Point: My Realization About Control
It took time, but I eventually realized that when I was trying to control everything, I was limiting my classroom to just one braināmy own. I had to remember everything I wanted to say, manage every studentās behavior, and make sure the lesson followed my plan. If anything went off course, it felt like a personal failure.
And the truth is, when one person is doing all the work, that person becomes exhausted. That was me. Itās also a recipe for burnout, and it left little room for creativity or growthāfor both myself and my students.
When I founded Peers Not Fears, I knew I wanted things to be different. There were 20 students in the classroom with meāwhy wouldnāt I tap into their minds to elevate our collective learning experience? Yet, the answer to that was clear: fear. I was afraid of losing control, of not being the one in charge. That fear wasnāt just holding my students backāit was holding me back too.
How This Fear Translates to My Work Today
The fear of giving up control still lingers in different forms. Today, as I work with schools and leadership programs, I often find myself telling administrators and program directors, āYour students are capable of doing hard things.ā But hereās the catchāit takes a lot of courage for them to believe me. It takes even more courage for the students themselves to believe in their capabilities.
For many of these students, the world has told them, whether directly or indirectly, that they arenāt capable, that adults must step in and handle the hard things. This is why I feel so strongly about the work I do and why I want to share my journey with you. Taking that leap of faith wasnāt easy. I had to trust myself and my students, just as administrators have to trust me when I tell them their students can rise to the challenge.
But hereās the amazing part: in every program Iāve run, students have not only met our expectationsātheyāve exceeded them. Time and time again, theyāve gone above and beyond, proving that they are more than capable of doing hard things.
What About the Students Who Donāt Believe in Themselves?
Of course, not every student walks in with confidence. Some act out, others withdraw. Too often, we label this as ābad behaviorā without asking why itās happening. But when we stop to think about it, we realize itās often fear driving these actions. These students are afraid they wonāt live up to our expectations because theyāve been told over and over again that they canāt.
And if theyāve been hearing this message their whole lives, why wouldnāt they believe it?
How Fear Holds Us All Back
This is where I want to encourage you to reflect on your own fears, and the fears of your students. It takes courage to look at the ones we often overlookāthe students who donāt stand out because theyāre not causing problems, nor are they excelling in obvious ways. Theyāre compliant, they do the work, but they donāt shine. When I was in the classroom, I often gave the big tasks to the student I knew would meet my expectations, unintentionally sending a message to the rest that I didnāt believe they could do it.
Itās not the message any of us intend to send, but whether itās intentional or not, itās received.
Seeing the Students We Overlook
So hereās what I ask you to do: take a look at your students, especially the ones who might be quietly waiting for someone to see them. They wonāt ask for your attention. Theyāll keep doing what theyāve always doneāworking hard but never rising to the level of exceptional.
I know it can be hard to admit that weāve overlooked a student, but reflection is key. Think about those students. Write their names down. Pay attention to them. Maybe theyāre the student you hand a leadership workbook to and say, āI see something in you. Youāre a hard worker, and I believe you can be a leader.ā
These small acts of acknowledgment can be life-changing for students who have yet to see their own potential. Your encouragement might be the push they need to step into leadership, try something new, or simply believe in themselves.
Because in the end, leadership is about more than just being in controlāitās about empowering others to rise to their full potential. Thatās the lesson I learned as a teacher, and itās the message I hope to share with you today.
Conclusion: Encouraging Courage in Both Teachers and Students
Letting go of control as a teacher or leader isnāt easy. It requires courageācourage to trust your students, to trust yourself, and to embrace the uncertainty that comes with giving others autonomy. But when you take that leap of faith, you unlock a wealth of potential in the students around you.
In my experience, students will surprise you. They will rise to the challenge and exceed expectationsāif we let them. The courage it takes to give them that opportunity may be difficult, but the results are always worth it.
Are you ready to take that leap and see the hidden leaders in your classroom?
This blogpost was originally posted here!
Learn more about and how to work with Lorraine Connell here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original authorās perspective.