Is It Normal to Have a Crush on Your Divorce Attorney?
A question we sometimes hear in our community is: “Is it weird to develop a crush on your attorney during divorce? It feels like it’s really about how they stand up for me, not about who they are outside of court.”
First of all—no, you’re not weird. You’re human. Divorce is one of the most vulnerable, disorienting experiences you can go through, and when someone steps in to protect you, advocate for you, and push back against your ex, it can spark feelings of admiration, attraction, and even longing.
Why This Happens
Power and protection: When someone finally puts boundaries in place where you couldn’t before, it can feel magnetic.
Validation: Your attorney is literally tasked with defending your worth and rights—it’s easy to connect that with emotional intimacy.
Contrast effect: Compared to the way your ex treated you, your attorney may feel like the first safe male/female presence in a long time.
You’re Not Alone
Many people experience “transference” during divorce—when the strength, calm, or authority of a professional feels deeply personal. It doesn’t mean you’re destined for another unhealthy relationship. It means you’re craving safety and protection, which makes sense after what you’ve been through.
Things to Keep in Mind
Boundaries matter. Attorneys have strict ethical rules about relationships with clients.
Attraction isn’t a plan. Notice the feelings, but don’t build a future around them.
It’s a clue, not a curse. The fact that you’re drawn to someone who protects you is a signal: you deserve safety, advocacy, and respect in all relationships going forward.
A Gentle Reminder
Don’t shame yourself for these feelings. They’re a sign of your humanity, your longing for care, and your desire for a healthier dynamic in the future. What matters most is using this awareness to pause, reflect, and set intentions for what you want in your next chapter.
At Fresh Starts, we have therapists, coaches, and relationship experts in our Expert Guide who can help you process the swirl of emotions that come with divorce—including unexpected ones like attraction to a professional ally.
If you’re starting this journey, download our free ebook, What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce. It’s packed with scripts, checklists, and compassionate advice for navigating the emotional rollercoaster of divorce.
Your fresh start includes building relationships rooted in respect and safety—not just attraction in moments of crisis.