The College Conversation Divorcing Parents Can't Afford to Avoid
When parents are going through a divorce, there are countless decisions to make. Who stays in the house? How will parenting time be divided? What happens to retirement accounts?
One important topic is often overlooked: college.
For many families, college is the second-largest expense they will face after purchasing a home. Yet I frequently speak with divorced parents who have detailed parenting agreements but no clear plan for how future college costs will be handled.
The result? Confusion, conflict, and unnecessary stress, often at the exact moment a child is preparing to leave for college.
Why College Planning Matters During Divorce
Many parents assume there will be plenty of time to discuss college later. Unfortunately, "later" often arrives faster than expected.
A child who is in elementary school today may be applying to college before you know it. By then, circumstances may look very different:
One parent may have remarried.
Income levels may have changed significantly.
A parent may have relocated.
Retirement planning may become a greater priority.
Communication between parents may become more difficult.
Without a framework in place, college decisions can quickly become a source of conflict.
The Questions Every Divorcing Parent Should Discuss
Even if your child is years away from college, consider discussing the following questions:
Will Both Parents Contribute?
If so, how much?
Will costs be split equally? Proportionally based on income? Limited to a certain amount?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but clarity now can prevent misunderstandings later.
What Types of Schools Are Affordable?
One parent may envision a private university with a $90,000 annual price tag while the other expects their child to attend a state school. Discussing expectations early can help avoid disappointment and resentment.
How Will Financial Aid Be Handled?
Many divorced parents are surprised to learn that financial aid rules do not always align with divorce agreements.
The parent who claims a child on taxes is not necessarily the parent who will complete financial aid forms. In addition, some colleges may require information from both parents.
Understanding these rules before senior year can help families avoid costly mistakes.
What About Student Loans?
Will parents borrow if needed?
Will the student be expected to contribute?
If so, how much debt is considered reasonable?
These conversations are easier when they occur before application deadlines arrive.
Keep Your Child Out of the Middle
One of the most common challenges I see is when a student becomes the messenger between parents.
Children should not be responsible for negotiating college costs, financial aid forms, or contribution expectations.
Whenever possible, parents should communicate directly with one another or utilize neutral professionals who can help facilitate discussions.
Remember: College Is a Family Decision
Divorce changes many aspects of family life, but it does not change a parent's desire to help their child succeed.
The most successful families I work with are not necessarily the ones who agree on everything. They are the ones who begin planning early, communicate clearly, and focus on solutions instead of conflict.
College planning can feel overwhelming. Divorce can feel overwhelming. When both happen at the same time, having a plan becomes even more important.
Starting the conversation today may save your family significant stress, and potentially significant money, in the future.
About the Author
Vicki Vollweiler, MBA, CDC, is the founder of College Financial Prep. She helps separated, divorced, widowed, and married parents navigate college costs, financial aid, scholarships, and student loan decisions. She is the author of College Planning for Divorced & Widowed Parents and works with families nationwide via Zoom. To learn more, visit: CollegeFinancialPrep.com
Learn more about and how to work with Vicki Vollweiler here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.