Will Divorce Ruin My Kids? How to Rewrite the Stories You Tell Yourself with Divorce Coach Lyerly Spongberg
The stories we tell ourselves during divorce can feel like facts: I am going to ruin my kids, I can't handle the finances, I am less of a parent if I only see them half the time. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell and divorce coach Lyerly Spongberg talk about how to recognize those stories, question them, and write a new one. This conversation is for anyone who feels stuck on a worst-case ending that has not happened.
About Lyerly Spongberg
Lyerly Spongberg is a DCA Certified ADR Divorce Coach, Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach, Certified Co-Parenting Specialist, and the founder of Step Up With Lyerly. She went through her own high-conflict divorce in her 30s and has been remarried for nearly 20 years, with a blended family of six children. Lyerly is a Fresh Starts Expert. You can view Lyerly's Fresh Starts profile, visit the Step Up With Lyerly website to book a free consult call, or follow Lyerly on Instagram.
Key takeaways
We all tell ourselves stories during divorce. It is natural, and nothing to feel badly about. They are just not always true.
Absolute words like never, always, and can't are a sign you may be telling yourself a story.
Questions to ask: Is this the whole story? What do I actually know is true? What am I guessing? Whose voice is this?
Try Lyerly's test: is it a roadblock or is it a doorway?
You are still 100% of a parent, even when you see your children part of the time.
Put your energy into what you can control: what you tell yourself, how you show up, and how you take care of yourself.
Instead of "I can't handle this," ask "what can I handle today?"
This is a really difficult chapter, and it doesn't define the whole book.
Mentioned in this episode
The Divorce Happens Community on Substack, where this month's theme is the lies we tell ourselves
Where to listen
Listen to this episode using the player above, or find Divorce Happens wherever you get your podcasts. You can also follow Divorce Happens on Instagram.
If you would like support finding the right experts for your own divorce, Fresh Starts Registry offers free consults, a vetted expert network, and free guides.
This episode is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional legal or mental health support.
Whatever story you are telling yourself today, we hope this helps you imagine a different ending.