Hey Olivia, how do I explain to my divorce lawyer that I've been doing everything?
Show Notes
In this Hey Olivia episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a listener who works full-time and is also the one who does everything else at home: the meals, the school schedule, the doctor's appointments, the laundry, the homework, and the 2am wake-ups. Now they're getting divorced and about to meet with their lawyer, and they want to know whether any of it matters and how to say it without sounding like they're complaining.
This episode is for anyone who has been the default parent and is getting ready for a conversation with a divorce attorney.
Key takeaways
- Drop the word "complaining" before you walk into the meeting. Who does what, day to day, for your kids is the factual shape of your household, and it's information your lawyer needs.
- It matters practically, not just emotionally. Custody and parenting time decisions are often based heavily on who has actually been doing the parenting.
- "I do everything" is true, but it's too vague to act on. Bring concrete examples: who takes the kids to the pediatrician, who is the emergency contact at school, who knows the teacher's name, who handles bedtime on weeknights.
- Write it down first. A simple week-by-week breakdown of mornings, school logistics, meals, appointments, and bedtime gives your lawyer an accurate map of your household.
- If your attorney brushes past it or makes you feel small for raising it, that's useful information about whether they're the right fit.
- You can feel the frustration of an imbalanced marriage and still lead with the plain facts in that meeting.
- A divorce coach can help you organize what you want to say. Your attorney is one player on your larger divorce team.
Resources mentioned
- Fresh Starts Registry offers free consults, a vetted expert network, and free guides.
Where to listen and subscribe
Listen to the full episode on Spotify. You can also follow Divorce Happens on Instagram and join The Divorce Happens Community on Substack.
You get to describe your family exactly as it is, without shrinking it down first. And you are so much further along than you think.
This episode is for general information and isn't a substitute for advice from a family law attorney or other professional support.