The Problem With Asking AI for Divorce Advice
That little chatbox is tempting, just waiting for you to ask it a question. It’s also free. And when it answers, it sounds like it knows what it’s talking about. So why not go for it? That is, asking AI for divorce advice? Because, as a family law attorney who’s had people come to me after doing this, I can tell you that it’s a bad idea. Here’s why.
You Are Making a Life-Altering Decision
A divorce is one of the most monumental changes you can go through in life. When there are children involved, you also have a responsibility to them. So asking AI something as seemingly simple as whether you should or shouldn’t get a divorce puts the onus on technology with no real-world experience of its own. And what it does have comes from what it’s learned from people whose situations aren’t specifically yours. Speaking of which …
AI Is Not Confidential
Depending on a user’s settings, AI is constantly learning from what’s inputted. Do you want it learning from you? From what happened with your spouse on a random Tuesday to what you’re experiencing in your most intimate moments, then having that information regurgitated to someone else? Doubtful.
What about the fact that anything you put into AI — your questions, your conversations — can be uncovered during the discovery stage of your divorce and used by the other side to support their case? Then there’s the criminal aspect. Ask the wrong question, and you could be facing criminal charges.
The Divorce Laws in Different States Vary
AI is not always accurate, and even though it’s gotten much better since it was rolled out to the public, it’s far from perfect. Meaning, it makes mistakes. It’s also been known to hallucinate and fabricate laws and cases to support its arguments.
Plus, every state has its own divorce laws. Divorce laws that are highly complex, with nuances only an experienced family law attorney will understand and be able to apply to your unique circumstances. Leaving that in the hands of AI potentially places you in yet another vulnerable situation.
AI Hasn’t Lived Through a Divorce
AI isn’t human, though at times, it can sound like it is. It’s never dated, been married, or gone through a divorce. It hasn’t parented or experienced the uncertainty or range of emotions you’re experiencing now.
Not every family law attorney has been married or divorced, but they are human beings and can (hopefully) understand not just the law, but what you and your family are going through. An AI model can pretend all it wants about what it's like to move out of the marital home and set up a child’s bedroom somewhere else, but wouldn’t you want someone who’s at least facilitated this for their clients to be the one advising you?
You Can Lead AI’s Responses
Want AI to tell you what you want to hear? You’re in luck because if you phrase your questions in just the right way, you can, like a real-life lawyer, lead the witness. Not a reliable strategy if you want objective, accurate advice from someone who has your best interests and those of your family in mind.
AI Can Go Rogue
I’m no programmer, so I can’t explain why it happens or what you can do to prevent it (something, I hope?), but AI has been known to go rogue in a Terminator-sort-of-way. You may remember the New York Times reporter who, late at night, was told by an AI chatbot to leave his wife — for it.
Others report being told to commit much more unsavory and, sometimes, dangerous or self-harming acts. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to place my trust in a machine that could offer such reprehensible advice.
You Deserve Compassionate Care and Empathy
Many people going through a divorce or considering it are having a reckoning with what they deserve and what they do not. With a marriage behind you, filled with ups and downs, it can be overwhelming to have to work through it alone. A divorce lawyer who’s skilled not just in the law of your state but in how to use it positively to position you for a new life is one you want to speak with.
Compassion and empathy are uniquely human characteristics. Though they may be lacking in some individuals, they will always be genuinely lacking in artificial intelligence. As someone contemplating divorce or committed to leaving your marriage, you deserve compassionate care, something only a person can provide. Sometimes it takes speaking with a family law attorney to realize that.
Elise Buie is a Seattle-based family law attorney and founder of Elise Buie Family Law Group, a law firm devoted to divorce and estate planning. A survivor of Hurricane Katrina, her own divorce, and many dish-filled sinks piled high after lively family dinners with her husband, Doug, and their blended family of six (six!) now-adult children, Elise knows firsthand what it means to juggle work and parenting, finding balance in between, even if it means a lot of late nights. When she’s not advocating for her clients, the best interests of their children, and civility in divorce, you can find her sailing on Puget Sound.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.