Here's How Working With a Divorce Coach Can Help You
Most people have never heard of a divorce coach until they are in the middle of a divorce. Then a sister or a friend says, "You need one," and they smile and nod with no idea what that means. I have a law degree and I have coached people through divorce since 2015, so here is the map I wish every client had on day one.
Three professionals, three different jobs
Your lawyer protects your legal rights. She tells you what the law says, drafts the documents and negotiates for you. Her job is the legal outcome.
Your therapist helps you heal. She works with your history, your grief and your mental health, and that work often continues long after the divorce is final. Her job is you.
A divorce coach helps you get through the divorce itself, one decision at a time. My job is the next conversation, the next choice, the next hard week. I do not give legal advice, even with a law degree, and I do not treat anxiety or depression. I work in the space between those two offices, which is where most of a divorce actually happens.
What that looks like in a normal week
One client wanted to answer a late-night text without starting a fight. We wrote three sentences together and deleted twelve.
One had drafted a two-page email to her lawyer at midnight. We cut it to five questions, and she sent it the next morning.
A couple came in together to decide how to tell their children. They left with a plan, a date and the words.
A woman leaving a marriage of thirty-four years had not managed money in decades. We made a list of every account and every question, and she walked into her financial advisor's office with a folder instead of a knot in her stomach.
None of that is legal work, and none of it is therapy. All of it changes how the divorce goes.
A coach often saves you money
Many people are afraid to ask their lawyer anything that is not strictly legal, because the clock is running. The answer is to bring those questions somewhere else. When you arrive at your lawyer's office calm, organized and clear about what you want, her time goes to legal work. Clients tell me their meetings get shorter and their emails get fewer. The 10 p.m. text gets handled with me, at a coach's rate, and the lawyer never needs to see it.
You can hire one coach together
This surprises people. I work with individuals, and I also work with couples who are separating and want to do it well. One coach for both of you means neither of you is being coached against the other. My time goes where the conflict lives, which is rarely split evenly, and the goal is a divorce you can both live inside afterward. When children are involved, I work with the family system, so the plan holds up at both houses.
Do you need one?
Not everyone does. If you and your spouse are communicating well, you know what you want, and you feel steady making decisions, your lawyer and therapist may be all the support you need.
A coach helps most when you notice any of these. You are making big decisions while flooded, exhausted or afraid. Conversations with your spouse keep going sideways. You leave your lawyer's office with more questions than you brought. You are a parent and want your children to come through this well. You and your spouse want to stay out of court and need help staying at the table.
How to choose one
Ask where they trained, and look for the CDC Certified Divorce Coach credential. Ask what they did before coaching, because a background in law, mental health or mediation shapes how someone works. Ask whether they will work alongside your lawyer and therapist. A good coach wants to be part of your team and will tell you plainly when a question belongs to someone else.
Then have one conversation and notice how you feel afterward. You should leave a little calmer and a little clearer than you arrived.
About the author
Cherie Morris, J.D., CDC, is a divorce and conflict coach for the couple, the individual and the family system. A lawyer by training, she has coached people through divorce since 2015 and teaches in the CDC Certified Divorce Coach program. She is the author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? and a chapter in Putting Kids First in Divorce, writes a weekly advice column at deardivorcecoach.com, and founded Between Sessions, a community for divorce professionals. She meets clients by Zoom wherever they live. Book a complimentary Discovery Session at deardivorcecoach.com/schedule-a-discovery-session/.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.