The Parts Of Divorce We Don't Talk About - Entrapment, The Fear You Live With
You hear their car pull into the driveway.
Before they’ve even walked through the door, something in your body changes.
Maybe you turn off the TV and start cleaning. You check that the kids have picked up their things. You’re already wondering what kind of mood they’re in.
You hear their footsteps in the morning and jump out of bed because you don’t want them finding you still sleeping.
You hesitate before buying something for yourself, not because you can’t afford it, but because you’re anticipating the questions.
You can tell what kind of night it’s going to be by the way they close a door.
There is a name for this. Entrapment.
Entrapment happens when ongoing threats, intimidation, and control take away your freedom to make everyday decisions without fear.
You can be incredibly successful, intelligent, independent, and still live this way.
You might manage a business, a household, everyone else’s lives. People tell you how strong you are.
They have no idea you are afraid to ask your spouse a simple question.
Your body feels it, too The constant tension in your shoulders. The shaking inside that nobody can see. Holding your breath when your phone rings.
That anxious feeling you can’t quite explain, even when nothing is happening.
Your nervous system has learned to anticipate danger. It’s trying to protect you.
And sometimes those feelings continue long after you’ve left.
Then comes divorce.
The relationship may end, but the intimidation doesn’t necessarily stop.
It might look like parenting app messages saying, “It’s my money. You’re getting nothing.”
“I’m taking the kids.”
Or a particular phrase that seems harmless to everyone else but carries years of history for you.
Maybe you don’t know whether child support will arrive. Maybe they’re threatening to drag you back to court until you are financially exhausted.
And then you walk into the courthouse.
They’re already there, standing where you have to pass them. Staring at you.
Nobody else notices.
But your stomach drops.
Sometimes you spend more energy trying to explain why something frightened you than talking about how frightened you actually are.
Please remember this. Just because someone tells you something doesn’t make it true.
Your spouse doesn’t decide the outcome of your divorce simply because they threaten you.
Talk with your attorney about the facts. And when it’s safe, give yourself time before responding to upsetting messages.
Notice your body. Are you holding your breath? Are your hands shaking?
Those sensations are real, but they don’t mean the threat will come true.
And please, don’t feel you have to walk into court alone.
I regularly accompany my clients to court. I understand how difficult it can be to sit near someone who has frightened you for years while being expected to stay composed and make important decisions.
Having someone who understands beside you matters.
If you’ve lived this way for years, you might not even call it fear anymore
It’s just how life has been.
But it doesn’t have to be how life stays.
You can feel safe again. You can make decisions without anticipating someone’s reaction.
I’ve seen people come through this and build lives they genuinely love.
And I want you to know that’s possible for you, too.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.