Suicide Ideation in Families Living with Coercive Control
There’s something I see in my work that I wish more people talked about.
Suicide ideation in families living with coercive control.
Sometimes it’s the parent who’s spent years being controlled. Sometimes it’s one of the children. Sometimes there have already been attempts.
And often, nobody outside the family knows.
I work with women who are raising children, managing careers, running households, and navigating incredibly difficult divorces.
From the outside, they’re functioning. They’re getting through their days, doing everything they’re "supposed' to do.
But some are quietly struggling with feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion, or thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore.
And sometimes it’s their children.
Children who have spent years around fear, criticism, blame, or unpredictable behavior.
Some have been made to feel responsible for things that were never their fault. Others are terrified something will happen to the parent they’re closest to.
They may love the parent who’s frightening them. They may be confused about what’s happening at home or afraid to tell anyone what they’re experiencing.
Sometimes the child who seems angry or difficult is hurting terribly.
And sometimes it’s the child who seems perfectly fine.
I think that’s something we need to pay more attention to.
Why might this happen?
Living with coercive control can leave someone feeling frightened, isolated, powerless, or unable to imagine their circumstances changing.
For children, it can be especially confusing. They may question themselves, feel caught between parents, or carry worries no child should have to manage.
For the parent experiencing the abuse, years of fear, intimidation, and uncertainty can take an enormous emotional toll.
But I want to be very clear about something.
Coercive control is one of many possible contributing factors to suicide ideation. It does not mean someone experiencing coercive control will develop suicidal thoughts.
Mental health, individual circumstances, previous experiences, and many other factors can play a role. There is rarely one simple explanation.
I don’t want anyone reading this to become frightened that this will happen to their family.
I want people to know that it can happen, that it’s okay to talk about it, and that help is available.
This is personal to me.
My son died by suicide.
This is something I carry very close to my heart, both personally and in the work I do. I understand how frightening these conversations can be, especially when it’s your child you’re worried about.
If you’re concerned about someone you love, it’s okay to ask how they’re really feeling, including whether they’re having thoughts of suicide.
Listen. Take what they tell you seriously. Help them connect with a qualified mental health professional.
If there’s immediate danger, seek emergency help.
And if you’re the parent trying to support your child while also recovering from coercive control yourself, please know that you deserve support, too.
If you or your child are experiencing these thoughts, please know you’re not alone. There are people who understand, people who will listen, and professionals who can help.
You don’t have to know all the answers or figure out what to do on your own.
I know how frightening this can be. And I hope you know there is help, there is support, and you don’t have to carry this by yourself.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.