Expert Feature Anna Howerton, Relationship Coach
At Fresh Starts, we’re proud to spotlight the incredible professionals who guide people through one of life’s most challenging transitions: divorce. Today, we’re featuring Anna Howerton, a Relationship Coach, whose work helps clients find clarity, strength, and a true fresh start.
Anna, can you tell us a little about yourself, what you do and what led you to this line of work?
I help individuals and couples navigate relationships in crisis, whether they’re fighting to save a marriage, going through a divorce, or rebuilding after divorce. With expert guidance and proven strategies, I empower my clients to heal, gain clarity, and create a fulfilling next chapter. Relationships can be tough, and when they’re in crisis—or ending—it’s easy to feel lost. I help individuals and couples gain clarity, heal, and make empowered decisions that lead to peace so they can truly enjoy their lives to the fullest potential.
What inspired you to work with people going through divorce or big life transitions?
I started contemplating divorce when I was 32 and had been married for 8 years (together for 15). I have always been very type-A, driven and planned out my whole life. I wanted to go to UNC-Chapel Hill as an out of state student, I wanted to find my husband in college, I wanted to get married by the time I was 24, have my first child (a boy) by the age of 29 and have a second child exactly 2 years later (a darling girl). All of these things happened. My life was going according to "the plan" quite successfully. But at age 32 when my children were 3 & 1 and my husband at the time worked nonstop, I just started thinking.."This doesn't feel right. Something is amiss.. I think it's supposed to feel different than this. Why hasn't "the plan" provided more total life bliss than this?" Getting divorced was the very first thing I hadn't planned for in my insanely, meticulously planned life. It was the first time it felt like I wasn't in the driver seat and it was like a wave crashing over me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Photo courtesy of Brooke Bryand
What is your specialty within the divorce space, and how do you typically support your clients?
I work with individuals who are considering divorce, going through divorce, or are navigating dating after divorce. I work with couples who are dating after divorce and need help and / or couples who are in crisis and want to try to stay together and avoid divorce. My support is super high touch, which is why I love being a coach as opposed to being a therapist (no disrespect to my now husband's profession!). I work with people in 12-week coaching intensives, with weekly 1-1 sessions either virtual or in-person (in Raleigh, NC or Orange County, CA) and then in between, high touch support: texting, voice notes, book and podcast recommendations, tools, resources, etc. I am truly in my clients' corners as their "coach" helping them navigate really challenging seasons in life, love, and loss. I know when I was in the various tough seasons of divorce (contemplating, going through, and dating after) it did not cut it for me to just have a once a week appointment with a therapist. I needed touchpoints with my guides and coach almost every day. When you're truly in crisis, you need to be able to access someone in your corner daily.
What makes your approach to working with clients unique?
One of the main things clients really appreciate about working with me is how honest I am about my own experiences in divorce contemplation, going through a divorce, coparenting and dating after divorce. I never lead with my experience, but if and when clients pointedly ask me, "How did you think about this aspect of your divorce?" "What did you do about this part?" "How did you find this piece of dating after divorce?" etc; I always tell them very openly and vulnerably. If a client is in divorce contemplation, I am able to share from my own deeply painful and agonizing experience in that season how brutal it was for me and how scared I was. If someone is starting the divorce process or going through it, I am able to share how clueless I was initially and how I waded myself through it successfully (with the help of attorneys of course ;). If someone is feeling scared to get back out into dating after divorce and feeling hopeless about the prospects, I am able to say, "Me too! I was also scared!" But I made it through and am now living my dream life with my dream partner.
What’s one thing that people are often surprised to learn about you?
Despite having my first marriage end, I am an ardent believer both in love and marriage. Dating, relationships, love, marriage, sex, and intimacy are my favorite topics to engage in with my clients (and in my personal life too honestly!). Getting divorced has been the most challenging thing I have ever lived through, but I really see it as a gift now and the most incredible breakthrough allowing me to live the life I am meant to now.
Photo courtesy of Brooke Bryand
Do you have a personal story or experience that helps you connect with clients on a deeper level?
A light bulb moment for me when I was considering divorce and so deeply worried about how it would affect my children, was when I had the thought - "Oh wait. I want my children to feel like they can always change their mind. They don't have to stay stuck. I want them to know they can always make a different call for their life. I want them to feel like they can make a left turn at any moment in their life and just because they wanted to do something or be with someone at age 19 doesn't mean that have to do that same thing or be with that same person at age 32." I realized I wanted my children to see modeled that you can always change your mind and grow, adapt, and evolve into a new version of yourself over and over again throughout your life. I didn't want them to feel like life was static, and if you locked into something, that was it! You just had to stay and be miserable... because why? Society says so? Religion? Your parents? Your friends? No - I wanted them to see modeled you can always change your life.
What’s your favorite way to reset after a long day?
Walks in the evening, a fabulous glass of dry rose or sancerre from France, being silly with my kids and playing a card game, reading in bed, sex, listening to a podcast as I fold laundry (least favorite task) or wash dishes. I usually meditate in the morning, but sometimes I will do it in the evening to slow down my mind and my nervous system. I am pretty spiritual, so I do love tucking my kids in bed each night I have them, rubbing their backs and praying for them, for angels to protect them, watch over them, guide them and keep them safe from harm.
If you could describe your work in three words, what would they be?
Clarity, fun, hope
What does “fresh start” mean to you personally?
It's never too late to begin again. I felt so stuck at age 32... I felt way way too young to be trapped in a container that no longer felt right to me. I remember thinking, "And what happens next? I just die? What happens? 60 more years of this and then it's over?" I was really really really terribly scared to end my marriage for fear of what my life would look like afterwards. I'm so glad I got quiet and still and after almost 2 years decided to trust my inner voice, my inner knowing to allow myself to make a different call for my life, and start fresh. I am so proud of that version of me and will never get over being grateful for how brave 34-year-old Anna had to be to take the steps to creating the life she knew might be out there for her. I'm living it now and could not be more grateful. It's true - everything you want is on the other side of fear. Start fresh!
Thank you Anna for sharing your wisdom and experience with the Fresh Starts community! You can learn more about their work by checking out Anna’s profile below!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.
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