The Secret to Parenting After Divorce: Why Apologies Matter More Than You Think with Parent Coach Jamie Buzzelle
In this heartfelt episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Jamie Buzzelle, a certified parenting coach and founder of The Repairent Coach. Together, they dive into the critical role of 'repair' in parenting, especially during and after divorce. Jamie explains the art of true apology and accountability with children, focusing on how to mend relationships through impactful communication. Her practical advice empowers parents to navigate their own emotional responses while fostering trust and resilience in their children.
Jamie emphasizes that parenting is more than a roleโitโs a relationship that requires intentionality, patience, and humility. She walks listeners through real-world scenarios, sharing strategies to model healthy behavior, communicate openly, and repair the inevitable ruptures that happen along the way. Jamie also shares the significance of separating intention from impact, a crucial step in truly validating childrenโs feelings and building lasting trust.
Whether you're in the throes of divorce or simply navigating the daily challenges of parenting, this episode offers transformative insights on how to heal, grow, and reconnect with your children. Tune in for a powerful discussion that highlights the importance of grace, empathy, and intentionality in parenting through lifeโs toughest transitions.
Learn more about Jamie Buzzelle on her profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/the-repairent-coach
Repairing the Break: How to Apologize to Your Kids After Divorce with Jamie Buzzelle
Olivia Howell: Hello, hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughterโbecause as we know, divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, weโre here with one of our Fresh Starts experts to discuss one of my favorite topics: parenting. Jamie, can you tell us who you are and what you do?
Jamie Buzzelle: Hi, Iโm Jamie Buzzelle, and Iโm a certified parenting coach. I run The Reparent Coach, where I help parents reconnect with their kids. My work spans from expecting parents who want to get ahead of challenges to parents with adult children who may be experiencing disconnects. My goal is to help parents of all stages prioritize their relationship with their children.
Olivia Howell: That sounds amazing! Weโre definitely going to have you back because thereโs so much to unpack, especially when it comes to adult children of divorce. But today, I really want to focus on your specialtyโrepair. Can you explain what repair is and why itโs so important in parenting, especially during and after divorce?
Jamie Buzzelle: Absolutely. Repair is the art of learning how to apologize and take accountability. Many people donโt truly understand what an effective apology looks like. Itโs not about defending yourself or explaining your intentionsโit's about acknowledging the impact of your actions. This concept is crucial for rebuilding trust in any relationship, whether itโs with your child, spouse, friend, or colleague. Parenting is, at its core, a relationship. To make it successful, you must prioritize it, regardless of your childโs age.
Olivia Howell: I love how you frame that. Repair is a skill that applies beyond just parenting. You mentioned that parents often struggle with separating intention from impact. Can you elaborate on that?
Jamie Buzzelle: Of course. When parents apologize, they often want to explain their side to reassure their kids that theyโre not bad people. But an apology should start with acknowledging how your actions impacted the child, full stop. Once the repair has happened, you can later discuss your intentions if the child is open to it. But separating those two elements is key. It helps children feel seen and heard, which builds trust and emotional safety.
Olivia Howell: Thatโs so insightful. Iโm sure a lot of parents struggle with balancing those dynamics. Letโs discuss a practical scenario. Imagine a parent whoโs newly separated, feeling overwhelmed, and on a phone call with a lawyer when their child comes in asking for a snack. The parent snaps, yelling, 'Get out!' How should they approach repairing that interaction?
Jamie Buzzelle: Great question. First, itโs essential to address body language. Get down on the childโs level to reduce the power dynamic and make them feel safe. Then, say something like, 'Hey buddy, can I talk to you about what happened?' Kids are resilient, but you still need to model accountability. Say, 'When I yelled earlier, that wasnโt about you. Iโm sorry for yellingโitโs not your fault.' Stop there. Donโt explain your stress. The goal is to validate their feelings and take responsibility.
Olivia Howell: Thatโs fantastic advice. Youโre so right about modeling behavior. Now, what if kids overhear their parents fighting? How can parents approach that kind of repair?
Jamie Buzzelle: Acknowledge it directly. Say, 'Hey, Iโm guessing you heard mommy and daddy fighting. That must have been scary. Iโm really sorry you had to hear that.' Allow them to express how they feel, and make sure to reassure them that itโs not their fault. Always be honest in an age-appropriate way and let them know they are safe. Itโs vital to validate their emotions rather than dismiss them.
Olivia Howell: Youโve given us so much to think about. Iโm truly grateful for your insight. If people want to learn more or work with you, where can they find you?
Jamie Buzzelle: I primarily work via Zoom, so I can connect with anyone. You can find me at thereparentcoach.com and on Instagram at @thereparentcoach. I share practical advice on parenting, repair, and maintaining healthy relationships.
Olivia Howell: Wonderful. Thank you so much for being here, Jamie. Your perspective on repair is truly valuable, and I know this episode is going to help so many people.
Jamie Buzzelle: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it!