What to Consider When Setting Your Non-Negotiables for Mediation

A question we hear often is: “I’m heading into mediation and need to give my attorney my non-negotiables. We have kids, a home, and retirement accounts. I’ve been a stay-at-home parent and primary caretaker while my spouse has been the breadwinner. What should I think about as I prepare?”

First of all—if you’re in this stage, you’re already doing something powerful: getting clear on your values and your boundaries before stepping into mediation. That clarity will protect you and help guide the process.

Why Non-Negotiables Matter

Mediation works best when both parties come prepared to compromise on some things and hold firm on others. Your non-negotiables are your anchors—they help ensure your children’s stability and your financial security as you begin your fresh start.

Things to Consider Before Mediation

Here are some key areas to think about as you draft your list:

1. Custody and Parenting Time

• Who has been the children’s primary caregiver?

• What schedule is realistic given work commitments and the children’s needs?

• What decisions (education, health care, activities) do you want joint input on, and where do you want final say?

2. The Family Home

• Do you want to remain in the home (at least short-term) for the children’s stability?

• If not, how should the house be sold or equity divided?

• Who will be responsible for the mortgage and upkeep in the meantime?

3. Financial Support

• Spousal support/alimony: Given the breadwinner/caregiver split, what do you need to maintain stability as you re-enter the workforce or adjust financially?

• Child support: Ensure it reflects the children’s real needs.

4. Retirement and Long-Term Assets

• Retirement accounts, pensions, and investments are marital property—even if only in your spouse’s name.

• Consider your future security, not just your present needs.

A Gentle Reminder

Non-negotiables don’t mean you won’t compromise anywhere. They mean you’ve identified what truly matters to your children’s well-being and your own survival. Walking into mediation with that clarity gives you confidence, and it helps your attorney advocate more effectively.

At Fresh Starts, we have mediators, divorce attorneys, and financial experts in our Expert Guide who can help you prepare for mediation and understand your options. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’re at this stage, download our free ebook, What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce. It’s filled with scripts, checklists, and compassionate advice to help you think through exactly these kinds of questions before you sit down at the table.

Your fresh start begins with clarity: knowing what matters most and protecting it.