Divorce Guide: 10 essential questions to ask a children's therapist while navigating your divorce

May 14

Divorce is not only challenging for you but also for your children. Kids often struggle to understand the changes in their family dynamics, and they may experience feelings of confusion, sadness, anger, or anxiety. A children's therapist can provide the support they need to process these emotions in a healthy way. Finding the right therapist is crucial to ensuring your child feels safe, heard, and understood. Here are 10 essential questions to ask a potential children’s therapist to determine if they are the right fit for your family during this transition.

Choosing the right children's therapist for divorce recovery

1. What is your experience working with children navigating divorce?

Divorce-specific therapy requires an understanding of how children process grief, conflict, and big changes. A therapist experienced with divorce-related family dynamics can address concerns like loyalty conflicts, communication with both parents, and changes in routine.

Follow-up questions:

How many children have you worked with who were experiencing parental divorce?
Are you familiar with addressing custody-related anxiety?
Have you supported children through high-conflict divorces?

2. What therapeutic approaches do you use with children?

Different therapists use different approaches, such as play therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), or family therapy. Understanding their methodology helps you decide if it aligns with your child's personality and needs.

Follow-up questions:

Do you use play therapy, CBT, or art therapy?
How do you decide which method is best for each child?
Are parents involved in some sessions to support the child’s healing?

3. How do you help children express their feelings about divorce?

Children often struggle to articulate their feelings, especially when navigating big life changes. A therapist skilled in gentle communication techniques can help them express their emotions safely and effectively.

Follow-up questions:

Do you use creative methods like drawing or storytelling?
How do you encourage children to talk about their worries or fears?
Are there specific activities designed to help with emotional expression?

4. How do you handle situations where a child is resistant to therapy?

Not all children are open to therapy right away. Understanding how the therapist manages resistance can help you gauge their patience and skill in building trust.

Follow-up questions:

What strategies do you use to make children feel comfortable?
How long does it typically take for children to open up?
Do you involve parents if a child is resistant?

5. How do you communicate with parents about their child’s progress?

It’s crucial to stay informed about your child’s emotional well-being during therapy. Knowing how the therapist updates parents helps you feel connected to your child’s progress.

Follow-up questions:

Do you provide regular updates or progress reports?
Are parents included in sessions occasionally?
How do you handle privacy and confidentiality?

6. Are you experienced with co-parenting situations and blended families?

Divorce often includes co-parenting challenges or the introduction of blended families. A therapist familiar with these dynamics can help your child adjust and express their feelings constructively.

Follow-up questions:

Have you worked with children who split time between two households?
Do you provide support for children adjusting to blended families?
How do you manage situations where parents have conflicting parenting styles?

7. Are your sessions in-person, virtual, or both?

Flexibility matters, especially if you’re managing shared custody or living in different locations. Knowing the therapist’s availability can help you plan for consistent care.

Follow-up questions:

Do you offer virtual sessions if in-person is not possible?
Are weekend or after-school appointments available?
Can you accommodate fluctuating schedules due to custody arrangements?

8. What are your fees, and how are they structured?

Therapy can be a long-term commitment, and understanding the costs upfront helps you plan accordingly. Ask about insurance, session costs, and payment plans.

Follow-up questions:

Do you accept insurance, or is it private pay only?
Are there package deals for multiple sessions?
What is your cancellation or rescheduling policy?

9. How do you help children navigate loyalty conflicts and communication issues between parents?

Divorce sometimes places children in the middle of conflict, leading to loyalty struggles and communication challenges. A skilled therapist can help them navigate these feelings without guilt or anxiety.

Follow-up questions:

Do you address loyalty conflicts directly with the child?
How do you handle situations where children feel stuck between parents?
Can you mediate discussions to help children express their feelings safely?

10. Can you provide references or testimonials from parents of children you’ve worked with?

Hearing from other parents about their child’s progress and the therapist’s approach can help you feel confident in your decision. Testimonials provide real-world insights into the therapist's impact.

Follow-up questions:

Can you share testimonials from families you’ve worked with?
Are there references I can contact?
Do you have success stories of helping children transition through divorce?

It’s important to remember that…

Finding the right therapist for your child during a divorce is one of the most supportive things you can do for their emotional health. The right professional will help them express their feelings, navigate family changes, and build resilience in a safe environment. By asking these ten essential questions, you can be confident that the therapist you choose is skilled, compassionate, and equipped to handle the unique challenges your child may face.