Sexual coercion in marriage rarely looks like what people expect. More often it is constant pressure, guilt, and begging until saying yes feels like the only way to keep the peace. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell talks with divorce coach Lisa Happ about how to recognize sexual coercion, how it connects to coercive control, and where to start if this is happening to you.
Lisa Happ is a certified divorce coach and strategist who works exclusively in coercive control cases with clients around the world. She is also a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach, Certified Trauma Coach, and Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. Learn more on Lisa's website, follow her on Instagram, or connect through her Fresh Starts expert profile.
Key takeaways
- Sexual coercion is often subtle: constant pressure, guilt, begging, belittling, or threats rather than physical force.
- It's one layer of coercive control, rooted in power, not intimacy.
- Lisa's "relief test": if you're doing it to feel a "thank God that is over" kind of relief, that is coercion.
- Your body's response and your feelings can disagree, and that confusion is common.
- The first step is telling yourself "this isn't okay, this isn't normal," then talking to someone you trust when you're ready.
- Working with a divorce coach and a therapist at the same time can help you heal.
Resources mentioned
- Lisa Happ Coaching
- Lisa Happ's Fresh Starts expert profile
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7 at 1-800-799-7233)
- Join the Fresh Starts Facebook group
- The Divorce Happens Community on Substack
This episode is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional legal, medical, or mental health support. If you feel unsafe, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 911 in an emergency.
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If this conversation put words to something you've been carrying, you are not alone, and support is available whenever you're ready.