Hey Olivia, how do I let people actually show up for me?
Do you feel guilty every time someone checks in on you since your divorce? In this Hey Olivia listener letter episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell talks with anyone who has always been the steady one and is now learning how to let people show up for them.
A listener wrote in: โEvery time someone checks in on me since my divorce, I feel guilty for needing it. I keep saying 'I'm fine' even when I'm sitting on my kitchen floor crying five minutes earlier.โ
Key takeaways
- Going from "the steady one" to needing support is a genuinely disorienting role reversal, not a small adjustment.
- Saying "I'm fine" isn't dishonesty. It's protection, for yourself and for the people who love you.
- People take their cues from what you tell them. When the answer is always "fine," they eventually step back.
- There's a middle ground: honest, bounded responses that still leave the door open.
- Needing support during a life-altering season is a chapter, not a permanent identity.
- Most people already suspect "fine" isn't the whole truth, and the performance of fine creates distance.
- This week, try giving one trusted person one honest answer instead of "I'm fine."
โThere's a genuine difference between someone chronically in crisis and someone honestly, bravely moving through one of the hardest chapters of her entire life. You are the second one, not the first.โ
Resources
Need support navigating divorce? Fresh Starts Registry offers free consults, a vetted network of divorce professionals, and free guides. For more stories and conversations, join The Divorce Happens Community on Substack or read Divorce Guide Magazine.
Listen and subscribe
Listen to the full episode above, or find Divorce Happens wherever you get your podcasts. Follow along on Divorce Happens on Instagram and Fresh Starts Registry on Instagram.
If this episode helped, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with the strong friend in your life. Being supported for a season doesn't change who you are.