“Hey Olivia, I don’t want to have to be here, but I don’t know where else to turn.” In this Hey Olivia solo episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a listener who was blindsided by divorce after an affair and months of therapy, and who is now devastated, financially dependent, and heading into lawyer consults. This episode is for anyone in the first raw days of an unexpected divorce.
Key takeaways
- Fear about the future makes sense. It’s your nervous system asking whether you’re safe now that the future you planned has disappeared, not a sign you can’t do this.
- Look at what you’ve already done. If you were blindsided and still showed up, you are going to be okay.
- You may be grieving the marriage and the future you pictured at the same time. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line, and you don’t have to rush it.
- Before each lawyer consult, write down your questions, such as their experience with situations like yours, how they communicate, how fees work, what to do and avoid right now, and next steps.
- Your attorney is one player on your divorce team. Choose someone who makes you feel respected.
- A divorce coach or certified divorce financial analyst can help you understand your finances. Organized and steady is the goal.
- Gentle steps for this week include signing out of iMessage on shared devices, making a new private email, changing passwords, keeping kids’ routines steady, and choosing one person to confide in.
Resources mentioned
- Free Fresh Starts Registry ebooks, including 250 Questions to Ask Divorce Professionals and our stay-at-home parent guide
- Book a free 15-minute consult and get connected with vetted divorce coaches, financial professionals, and other experts
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 any time (US)
- Join the Fresh Starts Facebook group
- The Divorce Happens Community on Substack
This episode is for general information and support. It isn’t legal, financial, or mental health advice, and it isn’t a substitute for working with a qualified professional.
Listen and subscribe
Listen to this episode of Divorce Happens on Spotify, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Divorce Happens on Instagram and Fresh Starts Registry on Instagram for more.
If you’re in the first raw days of this, be gentle with yourself. You are further along than you think, and you don’t have to do this alone.