3 Things I Learned from My Divorce with writer Kelly McMasters

In this heartfelt and poetic episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with writer, professor, and single mom Kelly McMasters to explore the deep emotional work of divorce—and the self-discovery that follows. Kelly shares powerful quotes that helped anchor her through her own experience, including words from poets like Marie Howe and Joy Harjo. She explains how poetry offered moments of stillness, truth, and community when everything else felt uncertain.

Kelly opens up about the emotional weight of letting go of fantasies, expectations, and the version of love she once believed in. Together, she and Olivia reflect on how divorce often brings us back to childhood, revealing the roots of our beliefs about love, safety, and self-worth. Kelly also discusses her acclaimed book The Leaving Season, and how writing it helped her reclaim her story—not just as a divorcée, but as a mother, artist, and woman rebuilding home from the ground up.

This episode is a celebration of growth, honesty, and the surprising beauty of starting over. If you’re navigating the messy middle of divorce—or simply seeking insight into how we piece ourselves back together—you’ll walk away from this conversation feeling seen, supported, and inspired.

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Transcription:

Olivia Howell: Hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce—with education, inspiration, and of course, a little bit of laughter. Because divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, I’m here with our friend Kelly. Kelly, who are you? What do you do? Where are you from?

Kelly McMasters: Hi! I’m Kelly McMasters. I'm a mom, a writer, a professor—and I’m divorced.

Olivia: I love that. One of our favorite things to do on this podcast is talk to people who’ve gone through divorce about what they’ve learned. I truly believe divorce is one of the most intense learning environments we’ll ever experience. So, Kelly, what were three things you learned from your divorce?

Kelly: I love that you used the word “environment,” because divorce really does have these amorphous borders—it’s all-encompassing. One thing I learned is how important it is to find small anchors. For me, poetry was one of those anchors. I was at a reading recently and in walked this famous poet—wild hair and all—and I realized it was Marie Howe. Her poetry helped me get through my divorce. I even used one of her lines to open my book:

“You think this happened only once—and long ago?”

That line has so many meanings, but to me, it means that in the moment of deep grief, it feels like you are completely alone—that no one else could understand. But the truth is, you are not alone. It’s a reminder to reach out in those dark moments.

Another quote that helped me is from Willa Cather’s The Professor's House:

“The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one’s own.”

That quote reminded me that I had to let go of the fantasy. Let go of what I thought was true. That was the hardest part—letting go of expectations, hopes, and dreams so I could live in the real world again. Once I did that, everything shifted.

Olivia: Can you read that first quote again?

Kelly: “You think this happened only once—and long ago?”

Olivia: I love that so much. That resonates deeply with me. When you go through divorce, it often brings you back to who you were as a child. You start realizing that your definitions of love were formed way before your marriage. For me, it was even more of a personal rediscovery than motherhood. I had to uncover and heal the pieces of me that stayed in a marriage that wasn’t loving.

Kelly: Absolutely. That really resonates. Another poem that helped me is by Joy Harjo, called “Memory Sack.” It has three short lines:

“With our pack of memories / long slack on our backs / we venture into the circle.”

That helped me see divorce not as isolation but as entering into a new community.

Olivia: Yes! I get that completely.

Kelly: And Olivia, thank you for the work you do—bringing people together, creating this space. I didn’t have that when I was going through it. That’s one of the reasons I wrote The Leaving Season. Now, we have communities online, in bookshops, and through amazing authors like Amy Shearn, Maggie Smith, and more who are reshaping how we talk about divorce.

Olivia: When did you get divorced?

Kelly: Officially, in 2016. But I left in 2013.

Olivia: I feel like the last five years have completely changed the narrative around divorce. When I got divorced in 2019, there weren’t many books out there. Now, the shelves are full—and I love it. These books are like spellbooks for finding yourself again. And I’m so excited to have interviewed many of those authors, with more to come. Tell us about The Leaving Season.

Kelly: I didn’t want it to be “just a divorce book.” At the time, divorce books were shoved into this little corner of the self-help shelf. But divorce books are not just about divorce—they’re about transformation. The Leaving Season is a spellbook, too. It’s about finding myself as a woman, a mother, a single parent. It’s about returning to childhood, to those early memories where we first learn what love and fear feel like. Home is the first place we’re loved, and it’s the first place we’re socialized. If we don’t understand our blueprint, we can’t break free from it. Writing this book was my way of reclaiming that.

Olivia: Yes, 100%. And Kelly’s links will be in the show notes. The Leaving Season is on my bookshelf—it’s one of my favorites. You are brilliant, Kelly, and as a fellow Long Islander, we give you major props here at Fresh Starts. Thank you for your honesty and for being so comfortable in your own skin, so other women can find theirs too.

Kelly: Thank you so much. It was great to be here.

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