In this heartfelt and poetic episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with writer, professor, and single mom Kelly McMasters to explore the deep emotional work of divorceโand the self-discovery that follows. Kelly shares powerful quotes that helped anchor her through her own experience, including words from poets like Marie Howe and Joy Harjo. She explains how poetry offered moments of stillness, truth, and community when everything else felt uncertain.
Kelly opens up about the emotional weight of letting go of fantasies, expectations, and the version of love she once believed in. Together, she and Olivia reflect on how divorce often brings us back to childhood, revealing the roots of our beliefs about love, safety, and self-worth. Kelly also discusses her acclaimed book The Leaving Season, and how writing it helped her reclaim her storyโnot just as a divorcรฉe, but as a mother, artist, and woman rebuilding home from the ground up.
This episode is a celebration of growth, honesty, and the surprising beauty of starting over. If youโre navigating the messy middle of divorceโor simply seeking insight into how we piece ourselves back togetherโyouโll walk away from this conversation feeling seen, supported, and inspired.
Transcription:
Olivia Howell: Hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorceโwith education, inspiration, and of course, a little bit of laughter. Because divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, Iโm here with our friend Kelly. Kelly, who are you? What do you do? Where are you from?
Kelly McMasters: Hi! Iโm Kelly McMasters. I'm a mom, a writer, a professorโand Iโm divorced.
Olivia: I love that. One of our favorite things to do on this podcast is talk to people whoโve gone through divorce about what theyโve learned. I truly believe divorce is one of the most intense learning environments weโll ever experience. So, Kelly, what were three things you learned from your divorce?
Kelly: I love that you used the word โenvironment,โ because divorce really does have these amorphous bordersโitโs all-encompassing. One thing I learned is how important it is to find small anchors. For me, poetry was one of those anchors. I was at a reading recently and in walked this famous poetโwild hair and allโand I realized it was Marie Howe. Her poetry helped me get through my divorce. I even used one of her lines to open my book:
โYou think this happened only onceโand long ago?โ
That line has so many meanings, but to me, it means that in the moment of deep grief, it feels like you are completely aloneโthat no one else could understand. But the truth is, you are not alone. Itโs a reminder to reach out in those dark moments.
Another quote that helped me is from Willa Catherโs The Professor's House:
โThe heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to oneโs own.โ
That quote reminded me that I had to let go of the fantasy. Let go of what I thought was true. That was the hardest partโletting go of expectations, hopes, and dreams so I could live in the real world again. Once I did that, everything shifted.
Olivia: Can you read that first quote again?
Kelly: โYou think this happened only onceโand long ago?โ
Olivia: I love that so much. That resonates deeply with me. When you go through divorce, it often brings you back to who you were as a child. You start realizing that your definitions of love were formed way before your marriage. For me, it was even more of a personal rediscovery than motherhood. I had to uncover and heal the pieces of me that stayed in a marriage that wasnโt loving.
Kelly: Absolutely. That really resonates. Another poem that helped me is by Joy Harjo, called โMemory Sack.โ It has three short lines:
โWith our pack of memories / long slack on our backs / we venture into the circle.โ
That helped me see divorce not as isolation but as entering into a new community.
Olivia: Yes! I get that completely.
Kelly: And Olivia, thank you for the work you doโbringing people together, creating this space. I didnโt have that when I was going through it. Thatโs one of the reasons I wrote The Leaving Season. Now, we have communities online, in bookshops, and through amazing authors like Amy Shearn, Maggie Smith, and more who are reshaping how we talk about divorce.
Olivia: When did you get divorced?
Kelly: Officially, in 2016. But I left in 2013.
Olivia: I feel like the last five years have completely changed the narrative around divorce. When I got divorced in 2019, there werenโt many books out there. Now, the shelves are fullโand I love it. These books are like spellbooks for finding yourself again. And Iโm so excited to have interviewed many of those authors, with more to come. Tell us about The Leaving Season.
Kelly: I didnโt want it to be โjust a divorce book.โ At the time, divorce books were shoved into this little corner of the self-help shelf. But divorce books are not just about divorceโtheyโre about transformation. The Leaving Season is a spellbook, too. Itโs about finding myself as a woman, a mother, a single parent. Itโs about returning to childhood, to those early memories where we first learn what love and fear feel like. Home is the first place weโre loved, and itโs the first place weโre socialized. If we donโt understand our blueprint, we canโt break free from it. Writing this book was my way of reclaiming that.
Olivia: Yes, 100%. And Kellyโs links will be in the show notes. The Leaving Season is on my bookshelfโitโs one of my favorites. You are brilliant, Kelly, and as a fellow Long Islander, we give you major props here at Fresh Starts. Thank you for your honesty and for being so comfortable in your own skin, so other women can find theirs too.
Kelly: Thank you so much. It was great to be here.