When the Hard Part Lasts Longer Than You Expected
When the Hard Part Lasts Longer Than You Expected
Managing stress when your life seems to change overnight
One day, you knew what your life looked like.
And then suddenly, everything changed.
You're going through a divorce, and things you once believed were certain—your marriage, your home, your finances, even how much time you'll spend with your children—may suddenly feel uncertain.
But here's the strange thing about having your life turned upside down:
Tuesday morning still comes.
The alarm goes off. The kids need to get up. Someone can't find their shoes. You need to get yourself ready and somehow show up for work.
Then school gets out. There are sports practices, drama rehearsals, band, doctors, dentists, orthodontists, homework and dinner. Everyone needs to get to bed at a reasonable hour.
And tomorrow, you do it all over again.
Except now there's another life happening alongside your regular one.
You're communicating with attorneys, mediators and your soon-to-be ex. You're gathering financial documents and answering emails. Somehow, you're being asked to put the life you've built onto paper for decisions about custody, parenting time, money and housing.
Your children. Your home. Your future.
How are you supposed to carry all of that and still remember that someone needs poster board for school tomorrow?
This is when learning how to reset matters.
You can't control every decision, email, your former partner's behavior or what happens months from now. But you can learn to manage the pressure you're carrying today.
At CCE Performance, I teach a simple process:
Recognize. Reset. Perform. Recover.
Recognize. Learn your early warning signs. Maybe your shoulders tighten, you're more irritable, your thoughts race, you can't concentrate, or you're awake at 2:00 a.m. trying to solve your entire future. I call these patterns your Performance Signature. Ask yourself: How do I know when my stress is starting to rise?
Reset. Don't wait until you're completely overwhelmed. Sometimes you only have 30 seconds. Slow your breathing. Drop your shoulders. Step outside. Focus on something directly in front of you. The goal isn't to pretend everything is okay. It's to interrupt the stress response long enough to bring yourself back to the present.
Perform. When your mind jumps to next month, the next court date or every possible "what if," ask: What actually needs my attention right now? One phone call. One email. One meeting. One decision. One child who needs you. You don't have to solve your entire future today.
Recover. You can't stay "on" indefinitely. Take a walk. Exercise. Listen to music. Laugh with someone. Turn off your phone. Give yourself permission to put the divorce down for a little while. Recovery isn't ignoring what's happening. It's restoring some of the energy you'll need tomorrow.
You may not be able to control everything that's changing around you.
But you can learn to Recognize. Reset. Perform. Recover.
Sometimes moving forward isn't about making the pressure disappear. It's learning how to carry what you cannot change—without letting the pressure take over the life you're still living.
Karen LeClaire is founder of CCE Performance, creator of the CCE Performance Reset Method, and host of Beyond the Pressure. Download her free "What's Your Performance Signature?" worksheet through CCE Performance.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.