Can you share a little about your own divorce story—what season of life you were in and how it unfolded? What was the hardest part of divorce for you personally? What helped you most in the early days (support systems, tools, practices)?
I was 38, married 15 years, with a 7-year-old boy. I handled the investments while he managed a handful of our bills that turned into debt and damaged my credit. Checking the bank account and his spending every day was exhausting. We sold the house, paid everything off, and split what was left. Six years later I have more than triple the net worth. He is back in debt.
The hardest part of divorce was the mental load of becoming the one who handles every practical thing: schoolwork, projects, doctor visits, holidays, camps. And I still catch myself protecting his image with our son the way I did in the marriage. Those old habits of covering for him are harder to drop than I expected.
Ultimately, what helped most was letting go of the small things that used to feel huge. No Christmas cards, no big holiday production, no worrying what other people thought. A small tree and time for what I actually liked turned out better than the expensive version of everything we used to do to keep up.
What’s one thing your own divorce taught you that you couldn’t have learned otherwise? Looking back, what would you do differently in your divorce? What surprised you most about the divorce process?
That there isn’t a situation I won’t figure out. You can reinvent how you handle money and your life at any point. I didn’t fully believe that until I had to.
Looking back, I would have starting setting my own money long before I asked for the divorce. Even a small separate account would have made the transition cleaner or allowed me to spend on myself.
And throughout the divorce and first year apart, it surprised me how many marriage habits I caught myself doing. I kept wrapping birthday gifts for his weekends and covering so that things would continue to look 'fine' to others. Eventually I just sent the birthday invite to his house and stayed in my lane, but protecting the old image is a surprisingly hard pattern to break.
How does your personal divorce experience shape the way you work with clients now? Do you feel your divorce gave you a different kind of empathy for clients? How so?
I processed the emotional part first, so the actual divorce was very practical for me. Most people aren’t there yet. I try to help them keep the things that actually matter (the house, items that are sentimental) and then build a plan that makes those choices sustainable instead of forcing the purest number.
And yes, I understand the woman who can’t even start because she has no way to pay an attorney or get her own place. I also get the one who is juggling work and kids and can’t picture ever affording the life she used to have. That stuck feeling is real.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone going through divorce right now?
There is a life on the other side that is better than you can picture right now. You have to go through the hard part first, but you will do more than just get by. Once the dust settles you get to decide what stays and what goes. You will learn the money pieces you never handled before, set the spending rules that actually fit your life, and build something steady that works for you and your kids. It will never look like the old version, and that is the point.
How do you encourage clients to see divorce not just as an ending, but as a fresh start?
For the first time, you control the spending and the decisions. No one else is pulling the strings, weighing in or judging your choices. You are in the driver’s seat with your advisor and anyone who helps manage your money. You should never feel like have to hand the decisions off again, and you are capable of learning the parts you haven’t handled before. Trust me, the woman who can stretch a household budget, manage calendars, and solve a dozen problems before breakfast is perfectly capable of learning how to build wealth.
What’s one misconception you had about divorce before experiencing it yourself?
I thought everyone would judge me or feel sorry for me, and that I’d end up lonely and on the outside. That was mostly in my head. What’s surprised me is how many women—even happily married ones—seem curious about the freedom and the calm in our home. There’s a quiet fascination with a woman who is clearly content and untethered. It’s what led me to name my business Unhitched. The word has a slight wink to it: free, a little rebellious, and not waiting for anyone else’s permission.
What’s one thing that people are often surprised to learn about you?
Six years later my net worth is more than triple what I walked away with. Married life came with constant lifestyle creep tied to the family image. Once those expectations disappeared, my money stayed private. A lot of people assume a divorced mom is struggling. Plenty of us quietly rebuilt and then some. We just don’t broadcast it.
What does life look like for you now, after divorce?
Our house runs on a routine I set. It is organized and quiet in a way that feels like mine. I like the time with my son, and I’m not lonely the way I expected to be. I’m not chasing anything else right now. If something or someone fits into our lives later, fine, but for now this is good.
What does “fresh start” mean to you personally?
A do-over. It means finally setting down the weight and all the loose ends you have been carrying for years, then deciding which pieces you actually want to pick back up.
For me, it was the permission to stop managing someone else’s money habits and start building only what fit my life. Divorce gave me the chance to become the version of myself I had thought about for a long time but never felt free to try while I was still keeping the old picture together.
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.