5 Fresh Tips to Help You Before, During, and After Divorce with Divorce Coach Carrie Rose
Learning how to have an empowering and helpful divorce journey can be overwhelming, but you’re not alone! Check out these 5 Fresh Tips to help you before, during, and after divorce with divorce coach, Carrie Rose.
Carrie Rose is the founder of SunUp Coaching LLC, a certified life coach practices that supports individuals experiencing major life transitions such as divorce, new job, move, lay off, becoming a first time parent, or a high school senior launching in to new things. She help folks unashamedly live out their values. For her clients, she promises to listen to you, care about you, offer guidance, and celebrate you!
You can learn more about Carrie Rose on her Fresh Starts profile.
5 Fresh Tips to help you before, during, and after divorce:
My number one tip is to get outside! Yes, outside, no matter the weather. Rain, snow, or sunshine, get outside every day. It can be as simple as a walk around your block, or as strenuous as summiting a mountain if you have those nearby, but make sure you get outside every day (and with your kids or fur babies if you have either of those!). Research teaches us that time in nature helps regulate our emotions and combat anxiety and depression. Those are all necessary things, especially during a tumultuous time like divorce. If you're having trouble getting outside during daylight hours (some of us are afraid of the dark), sneak outside on a lunch break, or even a phone call if possible. Picnic dinners are also great! My cooking tip? Order take out and eat it outside.
Number two is move your body, bonus points if that also happens outside! You don't have to become a crossfit guru (though go for it if that's your thing), but move your body regularly. This could be yoga, the gym, a walk, a work out class, dance, or whatever movement you love most, or are wanting to try! Until very recently I was not a gym or group work out person, and for years I made fun of yoga (sorry, yogis). But! A friend invited me to hot yoga when I was going through my divorce and it ended up being so grounding. I know I know, something I made fun of became grounding. I distinctly remember being in a hot yoga class where I didn't know any of the poses, nor could I do many of them. I grabbed a block to support myself before I fell over and the teacher said "great use of a support." Bam. That was it. I was moving my body and practicing using support. Divorce can be incredibly confusing, but a work out class is a great way to be fully in the moment, be appropriately told what to do, and there are physical and mental health benefits!
Ask for and accept help. Number three is like the yoga block - ask for and accept help. This is not my strength, but people want to help so let them! If someone offers general help, be specific in what you need - money, restaurant gift cards, childcare, a place to sleep, a job...so much is about networking these days. If you're not sure what you need, say that! And follow up with "I do need help, but I don't know exactly how right now. Can I follow up with you when I think of something specific?" Fresh Starts registry is a great way to get your needs listed in one place! Maybe you want someone to go to an attorney meeting with you. Or you want your favorite coffee drink or take out the day of the attorney meeting (my sisters ordered me lattes and Pad Thai from afar on attorney days and it was so appreciated). It's ok to accept help, it doesn't mean you're weak. Quite the opposite - accepting help means you're strong, wise, and human.
Simplify your life however you can. The fourth tip is to simplify your life however you can. This could look like signing up for meal kits, stocking the freezer with frozen pizza, movie nights for kiddos, not taking on extra work tasks, taking a break from social media, or going through your closet. I used every coupon code that existed to go through meal kit trials and simplified my evenings with easy dinners. Some even tasted good! Don't feel guilty about basic meals, extra screen time for kids, or even doing the bare minimum at work. You know yourself better than anyone, so make sure however you choose to simplify that it's a way that will be relieving to you, and not cause guilt.
Put things in writing. The final tip is to put things in writing. And I don't only mean information for your attorney or former spouse, but for you, for friends, for family. Telling people about your divorce can be overwhelming and exhausting. It's ok to write the basics in an email or text, and say that right now you don't want to go into more detail, but perhaps in the future you'll want to chat. And yes, put things in writing with your soon to be ex spouse. This could be things related to using the car, gear, the house, etc, or of course bigger things like time with kids and childcare. Emotions are heightened during divorce, and it's easy to forget things even if you have the best memory. Write down any appointments, scheduling needs, travel, and more. If you're not a list person, during divorce is an important time to consider jotting down necessary tasks and to-do's.