What to Expect at Your Preliminary Divorce Hearing (And How to Prepare)
We know how overwhelming it feels to be standing on the edge of something that feels both terrifying and unknown. If you're reading this the night before your first court date, you are not alone — and we’re so glad you found your way here.
Let’s walk through exactly what this preliminary hearing is and isn’t, and what you can expect when you walk into the courthouse tomorrow.
What Is a Preliminary Divorce Hearing?
This initial court hearing (sometimes called a status conference or scheduling conference) is usually procedural. That means it’s mostly about the logistics of the case — not big decisions or dramatic courtroom scenes like you see in movies.
In most cases, here’s what might happen:
The judge confirms that both parties are aware of the case and represented by counsel
They may go over deadlines for exchanging financial documents or other discovery
If there are urgent issues (like temporary custody or support), those might be briefly raised, but often they’re scheduled for another day
You may get a future court date or mediation date
The lawyers might talk more than you do — in fact, you may not need to speak at all
If your lawyer said "not much will be discussed," trust that. This hearing is typically about setting the pace, not making final calls.
What Should I Wear?
You don’t need to wear a full suit unless you want to — but you do want to feel confident and put-together. This is about showing respect for the court and, most importantly, helping you feel grounded.
We suggest:
Business casual or something you’d wear to a job interview
Comfortable, closed-toe shoes
Avoid graphic tees, ripped jeans, or anything too revealing
Bring a sweater or blazer — courtrooms can be cold
A clean, calm appearance helps you feel anchored in the moment, even if your heart is pounding.
How Should I Prepare Emotionally?
This part is just as important as what you wear.
Do a grounding exercise tonight. Write down five things you know to be true about yourself — things no one can take from you. (E.g. I am doing my best. I love my kids. I am strong even when I feel afraid.)
Get everything ready tonight. Your clothes, any paperwork, directions, parking info — do it now so your morning is as calm as possible.
Bring a support person if allowed. Even if they can’t go into the courtroom, having someone to sit with you before and after can be a huge comfort.
Eat something and bring water. Court days can be long and unpredictable.
Know this: your nervous system isn’t broken — it’s responding to stress. You are not weak. You are human.
How Should I Act in the Courtroom?
Stay calm and quiet. Let your lawyer take the lead. Judges appreciate professionalism and composure.
Do not engage your ex. Even if they try to provoke you, this is not the time or place.
Be polite to everyone. That includes court staff, security, and other people in the room. It all matters.
Hold your head high. You’re not being judged as a person — this is about logistics, not morality.
And if emotions rise up — tears, shakiness, anger — it’s okay. Take a breath. Excuse yourself if you need to. You are not failing for feeling deeply.
We know this moment can feel like your whole life is in someone else’s hands. But here’s the truth: this is one step in a longer journey — and you’re already doing it.
You showed up. You got a lawyer. You’re preparing. You care enough to ask questions and learn what to expect. That is strength. That is power.
If you need a reminder that you’re not alone, we’re always here — with expert support, free consults, and a community that truly gets it.
You’ve got this. Even if your hands are shaking.