Does my child get a say in who they live with or how often they see each parent?
Please note that these answers are not legal advice. If you’re in need of legal advice or a lawyer please visit our Expert Guide
The short answer is: it depends on the child's age, maturity, and the state you live in. Here's how it generally works:
Age Matters
Most states consider a child’s preference at around 12 to 14 years old, but it varies.
Some states allow children as young as 10 to express a preference, while others wait until 14 or older.
Child's Preference is a Factor, Not a Guarantee
A judge will listen to the child’s preference but also weighs other factors, including:
Stability and safety in each household
Parental involvement and relationship quality
Sibling relationships and school consistency
History of abuse, neglect, or instability
The child’s choice is considered but is not the sole factor—the court’s main focus is always the best interests of the child.
Judges May Interview the Child
In some cases, the judge may interview the child privately in their chambers (this is called an in-camera interview).
This allows the child to speak freely without the pressure of being in the courtroom.
In certain cases, a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) may be appointed to represent the child’s best interests.
When Will the Court Deny a Child’s Request?
If the judge believes the preferred living arrangement is unsafe, unstable, or influenced by manipulation, they may override it.
The child’s request will not be honored if it puts them at risk or disrupts their well-being.
Modifying Custody Based on Age
As children get older, the court is more likely to consider modifications based on their expressed wishes—especially during teenage years.
Example Scenario:
If your 13-year-old expresses a strong desire to live with you more often and can articulate their reasons (e.g., closer to school, more stability), the court may listen. However, if the change would disrupt schooling or seem influenced by pressure, the judge may decide against it.
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