Making Peace with Divorce Doubts
by Lyerly Spongberg of Step Up With Lyerly, Divorce Coach
Confronting the What-Ifs: Making Peace with the Decision to Divorce
The moment you say it out loud—or even allow yourself to whisper it in your own mind—I think I want a divorce, the what-ifs start creeping in.
What if I’m making a huge mistake?
What if I just destroyed something that was “good enough”?
What if I never find love again?
Doubt is a normal part of this process. Even when you’ve tried everything. Even when you know—deep down—that you’ve outgrown the relationship, that the connection has faded, or the partnership no longer supports who you are or who you’re becoming. Still, letting go of the familiar—however flawed—can feel more terrifying than staying stuck.
Because the familiar has its comforts. The shared memories. The rhythms of daily life. The sense of “us,” even if it wasn’t working. It’s hard to untangle yourself from the history, from the hope, from the vision you once had. And it’s easy to romanticize the past when the future feels uncertain.
But you only get one life.
And part of honoring that life means being honest with yourself—even when it’s messy, painful, or uncertain. Sometimes that means choosing a path that others don’t understand. Sometimes that means grieving a marriage while still holding the belief that it was real, that it was love, and that it mattered.
Just because it didn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. Or successful. Or beautiful in its own season.
As you shift from one household to two, you’re also shifting identities. You’re no longer a wife or husband in the way you once were. But that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re evolving. You’re building something new. It’s okay to feel sadness and relief in the same breath. To grieve what was and still feel hope for what’s ahead.
Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself. Let yourself hold space for both truths: who you were in that relationship, and who you are becoming now. Both are worthy. Both are real.
This transition is not about erasing the past—it’s about reclaiming your future. And you are allowed to move toward it, even if your voice shakes and your heart is still catching up.
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If you’re ready to write the next chapter with more emotional intelligence, more grounded communication, and more clarity about who you’re becoming—I’m here when you’re ready. To learn more about me, ADR Divorce Coaching, Mediation Coaching or to schedule a complimentary consult call, please visit stepupwithlyerly.com today,
This blogpost was originally posted here!
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Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.